Final Penitence
by FiendisHSerapH
Summary: (2 chapters uploaded -June 15!) Kuroudo and Kyousuke have been friends for so long, yet they still fight. The question: When will the fighting end PERMANENTLY?
1. Prologue : REUNITED

**The Final Penitence**   
**by: FiendisHSerapH**

_"Is it possible to have neverending forgiveness?"_   
  
**Prologue REUNITED**   
  
"Don't tell me he's late again..." an arm folded inward as the owner checked on her watch. She sighed, "He never changed." then pushed long chocolate-brown tendrils away from her face. 

"Don't be so hot-headed, Kaoru. Keep your calm; he'll be here later. Maybe he's just making us worried about him. You know that guy." A tall, chubby young man clad in brown baggy cargo pants and a green camouflage army shirt walked and stood beside the girl who owned the complaining voice we heard earlier. 

"But he's too much! Hah, just show up and he'll be dead…" the young lady placed her hands on her hips and sighed yet again due to her dismay on their team member. 

"Come on, guys. It's pretty early anyway. Besides, I called his mom and she told me that he left about an hour ago." A tall, lean guy with blonde, long-backed hair joined the conversation. 

"Enough for being so patient, Jirou, Kuroudo! Why can't we just all be frank and say that he's late?" 

"Where's Lilica anyway?" A mild voice broke through Kaoru's remarks as all eyes settled on this eye-glassed guy meekly sitting on a sofa. 

"You see, we have been waiting here for about forty-five minutes. Kaoru's right; he never changed… _he's very punctual_." He added the last phrase with sarcasm in his tone. 

"Already missing your PC hmm, Jin?" The chubby guy sat beside the lad and braced a firm arm behind his short neck. 

"Shut up…" the boy coldly rebutted. "Besides, it's better to stay in front of my computer than…" 

"Guys, sorry I'm late!" a shouting voice cut off their rambling thoughts. 

"Nah, he's here." 

The running figure was the person they have been waiting for. Following him was a charming young lady wearing a white long-sleeved blouse and red pencil skirt down to her knees. Her chestnut-brown hair was tied up on a high ponytail. 

"Kouya, is that you?" that lean guy named Kuroudo burst out for he can't believe what he had seen. From that dark brown long-backed hair, he now has this neatly cropped one which was 2 x 3 white side walled. He's now sporting a navy blue terrycloth jacket with white undershirt and black stonewashed jeans. 

"Two years can accommodate such great changes." He trained his eyes over his "soulmates" --- his friends, his co-members on their team named "The Tobita Club". 

"Yes, you have changed. It's a far-cry from the silly-looking Kouya that you've been years back." Jirou added which made Kouya's eyes open in wonder. 

"Jirou!" he exclaimed as he finally realized that it's his friend that he's talking to. 

"Look guys, he changed a lot!" 

"Yes, and even you, Kouya." Lilica, the lady behind him, blurted out. "As a matter of fact, I didn't recognize you among the crowd out there." 

Kouya nodded then turned back to Jirou and added, "I bet you lost a lot of pounds in two year's time." 

He looked around and asserted, "Kuroudo! My, you've grown even taller, huh?" He raised his line of vision to the towering guy. 

"I did?" the latter interrogated with an innocent expression on his face. 

"Yes, you did… hey, Jin! How's the gear master doing? You are still so quiet." 

The slouching lad looked up showing a tired expression and grumbled, "You're late. I could have spent my precious time making my assignment at my computer instead of having wasted my time here waiting for you." 

"Yes, some things never change right, guys?" Kouya remarked and everyone laughed heartily. He then walked towards the eye-glassed boy and finally noted, "But then, I still know that you haven't changed when it comes to your cooperation with us. Also, may I add that your hair fits you well. You've grown so cute…" in a hushed voice. With this flattery, Kyousuke slightly blushed. 

"T-thanks…" was all he managed to say. 

"And now," Kouya looked around, "Where's…" 

"KOUYA!" Kaoru ran towards him who's turning away. 

The mahogany-haired guy turned to her direction. Kaoru was about to propel her hand towards his cheek when she noticed his great transformation from the witless boy he had been before. 

"Huh?" Kouya went wide-eyed the moment he saw the girl who had tortured him sometimes and yet who had been there to share his victories with him. 

"K-Kouya?" She blinked several times. 

"Kaoru?" He then was left staring open-mouthed. 

Seems as if time had stopped and the two can't help but to gape at each other. 

To break the ice, Kouya smiled warmly and stated, "Nice hair." He was then pertaining to the girl's elbow-length shiny hair. 

Obviously arrested by the remark, Kaoru just let her aimed hand down and the supposedly loud complaint was reduced to a mere "You're late" murmur. 

"Yes, I know and I am so sorry for that." He replied once again with a smile. Kaoru's eyes roamed over Kouya's form. From that neatly cropped hair, to his outfit and to his drastic change in height and weight, she can say that he matured a lot… and he grew handsome, too. 

"Kaoru, you've acted harshly over Kouya again." Lilica scolded upon seeing what she must have done on him. "Now, say so---" 

"It's okay, Lilica. No harm done. Kouya smiled. 

"He's late, that's why!" Kaoru blurted out and pulled her purple cardigan jacket down as she fixed it. 

"Kaoru, this is the first time you have seen him yet you act that way? Come on, don't be such a sorehead!" Kuroudo remarked. 

"You might spoil our mood for the upcoming battle." Jirou added. 

Upon hearing those comments, Kaoru sighed and snapped, "I'm sorry." 

"That's okay. No harm done." Kouya replied, never removing his grin that made Kaoru observe inwardly. 

"Now everyone's here, let's move out and check in our hotel." Lilica signaled their departure. 

"Alright, at last I can rest." Kyousuke stood up and fixed his brown cargo pants. 

"You've been resting all the time. What kind of rest do you still want?" Kuroudo commented in a somewhat objecting tone. Kyousuke casted a sharp look on his direction then turned away. 

"The kind of rest I want is a break from your lousy **I-am-perfect** sermons." He mumbled bluntly. Luckily, Kuroudo wasn't paying attention at all. 

_"But I know, you were just like me with someone disappointed in you…"_

They have walked about three meters already when… 

"Marino." Someone called out behind them. The one called upon looked back and was surprised to see who it was. 

"Takeshi!" he cried out upon seeing the guy in a red shirt with two narrow black stripes on the chest region and black cargo pants. 

"Settled to understated clothing, huh?" 

"Not really. This is just the kind of clothes I wear by now." His lips registered his trademark sinister grin and critiqued, "How about you? Doing away with childish outfits, huh?" 

"Yeah…" Kouya smirked yet again. 

"Is that really Takeshi?" Jirou rubbed his eyes and blinked several times. "I swear, my eyes are lying." He stated as he accepted the fact. 

"Prepared for the _event_?" He asked, his eyes showing a challenge, a puzzle one can't easily solve. 

"We will. Ah, actually, we've only seen each other now." Kouya fiddled on his jacket as he replied. 

"Oh, really?" his trademark smirk showed up once again. "And I suppose that your fighting skills have tarnished, huh?" he then received looks from other gear fighters, and these were challenging ones, too. 

"No, of course not!" They were all surprised to hear Kaoru's sudden outburst. "Just wait until you climb up the arena and you will see!" 

With this Kouya smiled, and the other three followed. 

"Oh, and the brave little girl is here… well then, let's see when we get there. I have improved a lot, for your information." Takeshi haughtily raised an eyebrow and fixated his eyes on Kouya. 

"By the way, nice cut." He grinned as the other three of his Dream Team members in casual outfits emerged. 

When they were of distance, Kaoru commented, "He never changed quite a bit!" then rolled her eyes. 

"It's you who never changed." Lilica simply smiled and placed a gentle hand over the young lady's shoulder. 

Kouya added, "You're still a brave girl, Kaoru and I admire you for that. But then, Takeshi **did** change. Yet, he still had high airs on him." 

He grinned which made the appraised girl's cheeks feel hot. 

"So, should we prepare for the upcoming feud?" Kuroudo interrogated them. 

"Yeah, let's go!" Kouya initiated the walk. Soon, everyone followed him as they made their way out. 

--------oooo--------

The Crush Gear passion is spreading once again like an epidemic over Japan after two years of its popularity due to the World Championships. To rekindle the fire, the government of Osaka decided to host yet another competition in their hometown. This so-called Osaka Cup happens today at the newly-built Kirei Stadium that's why Gear Fighters from all parts of Japan and even those from other countries landed this morning on the airport to participate and watch this spectacular event that will happen for the first time this year. 

--------oooo--------

"And the first champions will receive a special prize aside from the fame: a one-week stay and tour in Hawaii!" Kouya gushed like a child. 

"Looks like you're really thrilled, Kouya." Lilica smiled over his expression. 

"I can hardly wait. Hawaii's such a nice place to visit, and besides, I want to swim on the waters there." Kouya exclaimed again as they headed to the taxi that will take them to their hotel. 

And our story began as such. The song began playing; the events have begun to unfold and take its optimistic toll… or is there something that will spoil this reunion of our protagonists? That is what we're going to find out...   
  



	2. One : A HOMECOMING

**One A HOMECOMING**

  
  
Fireworks bloomed in midair just like posies and created cracking noise that made the audience wild with amusement and thrills. 

"Ladies and gentlemen, the First Ever Osaka Cup is about to begin!" the announcer, this time not administering "special effects" in his act, roared. 

"YEAH!" the onlookers hollered with much excitement. 

"Boy, the people sure are excited over the gear fighting comeback." Jirou observed in an excited voice. 

"They seem to have anticipated for this very much after two years of its popularity." Kyousuke looked around, feeling nervous over their invisible will-be opponents. And so is Kuroudo. 

"The groupings…" The commentator's voice cut off the rambling noise and settled the roaming eyes to its proper place, "... were predetermined even before the fight and were completely shuffled except for a team…" 

"Hey, I didn't know that they've shuffled the groups…" they wondered. 

"Let's give a round of applause for the World Champions…" Colorful lights shuffled across the arena. "… the Tobita club!" and they mingled together and stopped above the aforementioned team. 

"Argh, my eyes!" Kyousuke covered his gray sensitive soul windows from the harsh lights above them. Applause rained. 

"Ah, we aren't shuffled. Good thing." Kaoru smiled secretly. 

"To add, there'll be only two rounds of fights in this cup…" he paused then he finally boomed, "And for the first fight of this first Osaka Cup, here's the Tobita Club and… the **Osaka Team**!" 

Claps followed and rained for about two minutes, and these came from the supporters of the so-called Osaka team, even though they don't have the slightest idea as to who its members are. 

"The probability of the fighters coming from that team will be of no sense… it is unfair! We have no idea as to who they are…" Kyousuke fussed as the moment of revelation came. 

"The first fighter from the Tobita Club by selection is…. **Jirou Oriza**!"   
Jirou's eyes flew open as his members' views all halted on him. Even he, himself, can't believe that he'll be the first to face the anonymous band of adversaries. A break ensued and an oppressing cloud of tension and heavy air lay on top of our team of protagonists. No one dared to speak and everyone was trying to figure out the members of this so-called Osaka Team. 

"As far as my memory is concerned, I haven't known any Gear fighter who's from Osaka team..." Kyousuke's brows met in concentration as he sat meekly on a chair, thinking. 

"Yes, me too. It's natural to be such because this is the first time that it happened, and I think that they "grouped" them yet again according to their hometowns this time." Lilica assumed to lessen the strain even though she, to herself, is also perplexed. 

"Good luck, Jirou. I just know that you can defeat the guy, no matter how strange he or she is." Kouya gave the beefy arm of this doubting fighter a firm squeeze. 

"I—I just don't know, Kouya." Came his sole retort 

"It's okay if you don't win. What's important is that you will meet a friend inside the arena." Kouya gave his guaranteed grin yet again without expecting any return. 

"That's the spirit, Kouya!" Kaoru nudged the boy's side. "You really didn't change." 

The buzzer rang, and it's about time to face the adversary. Jirou, masking his insecurities, went up the stage and prepared for his game. He sighed. 

"And his opponent from the other team is…" 

Still air enveloped the stadium. Everyone kept his or her eyes wide open, anticipating for the first fighter to be unmasked. Footsteps were heard, something rubbery pressing against the linoleum floor. The guy climbed up the stairs, yet his face was still masked by the gloomy silence just like fog. 

The Tobita Club stopped still, and this mysterious appearance caused Jirou to gulp the big lump forming on his throat. He walked closer to the lighted area, exposing black baggy pants and a blue semi-fitting top. He walked further, stooping down and no sooner also unveiling azure neatly cropped hair with long bangs. 

"I…it can't be!" Jirou seemed to know who the fighter was… 

Especially when that guy slowly lifted up his face to the crowd. 

"Huh?!" The audience stared in pure disbelief. 

And what do you know dear audience? It's the former member of the Mighty Gears team which was reported to have splitted up a year ago due to the growing competitions of the members in their fields of specialization. He's Japan's junior skateboarding champion and has also been Jirou's friend and teammate back in their baseball days. Now, he's made a great and astonishing comeback. Let's all give it up for…" 

"It's been a long time, _friend_" The guy intoned in a calm and manly voice. 

"... **Taki Hiromi**!" 

"Gosh, Taki sure looks so handsome now." Admiration and gaiety filled Kouya's voice as he, himself, was also surprised. 

"But... why are you... in the Osaka team?" 

The azure-haired boy just leered and replied, "Ah, I haven't told you. My hometown's here in Osaka, that's why I am here." 

"There, guys, is a shocking discovery about our champion's origin." The announcer convivially declared. 

The referee climbed the stage and boomed, "**Gearfighters, get set up!**" 

"Yes, it's been a long time, Taki… and I am here to beat you!" Jirou, now relaxed because of the assurance about his opponent, warned. 

"That's what I want." The guy grinned as he set up his stance. 

**READY, GO!**" 

--------oooo--------

Jirou sat and settled his back on the comforting rear of the sofa. He then reached out to his towel and wiped sweat, signs of apprehension, away from his tanned face. 

"You were almost thrown out of the ring, Jirou…" Kouya reminded him. "But then, it's tough luck and I hope you beat him in the next round." Kouya smirked. 

"We know you can do it, Jirou." Kuroudo beamed too. 

"Taki's improved a lot in his style. He definitely had become a great gear fighter after two years. I wonder if he does practice everyday…" Kyousuke analytically stated, "But then, I just know Jirou can beat him!" his lips formed an upward curve, such a rare expression to be present on his face. 

"Thanks, guys." Jirou then asserted to them. 

The buzzer rang once more, and its time for him to face his long lost best friend. Taki confidently climbed up the stairs, yet Jirou eyed at the guy's legs and he wondered why the former skater seemed to walk limply and with such great difference from the way he used to the past years... 

And there the gears went, with one main objective of pushing each other out of the game area. Yells were heard from the audience as each of them had its own bet between the two players. 

"This game mustn't be this long." Taki chided as soon as he found out that Jirou didn't falter on his first attack on Raging Bullet. 

"**Spinning Corkscrew!**" 

"There's the legendary attack of our well-respected skater… and look! Raging Bullet's hit!" 

"Oh no, Raging Bullet!" Jirou roared The Tobita Club stood there, afflicted by the onslaught Taki had made. Taki's smile grew even wider. 

The gear fell and was almost ousted of its glory but then it was spared by the barriers sited between the arena and the outside line. 

"Phew, that was close… Go, Jirou! Move it!" Kouya applauded even more. 

"Such a saving grace for Raging Bullet..." The announcer gaily commentated. "With almost half a minute left, let's keep our eyes wide open for the winner of the second round of this match between reunited best friends. 

"Now's my chance!" Jirou hissed as Raging Bullet had its close proximity on Taki's eminent gear. 

"**Great Hurricane Crush!**" he shouted his attacks name, as if wanting to revive the events of their past fights. Hollers were again heard in anticipation of the other gear's end. They watched as the gear flew off the arena. 

"Oh no, you won't! I'm not dumb to fall for that same trick twice." The skater devilishly smirked, an obvious hint for the pitcher that it'll be his gear's end soon. 

"Jirou won't lose; I believe it!" Kaoru stated, never losing hope despite the anxious situation. 

"No. Taki's right. Jirou has faint chances of winning this game." Kyousuke grimly and firmly intoned. 

"Jin, don't put us down." Kouya persuaded. 

"How could that be? I hear no deviation on his gear." Kuroudo asked as he unveiled his cerulean eyes. 

"You'll ----" 

The buzzer had its peal. Their sights flew fast to Jirou's shock-stricken face. 

"What the?" Everyone was shocked, especially when.. 

"Raging Bullet: Ring Out. Winner: Taki Hiromi!" 

"It can't... it just can't." Jirou muttered as if he is in a coma. 

To replay, Taki used the downward force of gravity to propel himself down and injure Raging Bullet using refined "tusks" on his gear. Plus, he also used the force of his Spinning Corkscrew to add to the current that made Raging Bullet jump out of the showground. 

"Now that's applying Physics in real life!" The announcer kidded. 

Upon the end of the replay, Taki proceeded and stopped by Jirou who was then mope on his ground. He reached out his hand to the disappointed soul and stated, "Nice work, friend." Jirou looked up and saw Taki's grin. He then held on his hand and together, he walked down the stairs with him. 

"Hey Taki, we're really surprised." Kuroudo uttered the first word of greeting. 

"Why did you come back?" Kyousuke asked due to his curiosity and implied dismay. 

"There's just something that I should settle in here." He looked at Jirou who was then just standing at a corner. "Excuse me, but may I have a word with Jirou outside?" 

"Me?" Jirou blinked. Taki simply grinned yet again, erasing all his qualms. 

"You may. Besides, who are we to stop you?" Lilica, being the manager, complied to his request.   
  



	3. Two : THE SKATER'S CHRONICLES

**Two THE SKATER'S CHRONICLES**

  
  


_Another day inside my world   
I'm married to you and this road…_

"And now, he's about to showcase another move… what could that be?"   
"There's a headstand, people, and he's about to turn over --- what was that? He let his skateboard go!"   
Hollers flooded, especially from the fan girls who admire him - and his looks - so much.   
"And he jumped up from that highest ramp --- is he crazy? I see, he's attempting to land on his skateboard very…"   
A great clash was heard, and the noises died down.   
"Oh, that fall hurts… can he still walk?"   
"No, he can't… and his fall's a critical one. Hey! He can't stand any longer. Somebody, get him a stretcher!"   
And he felt like he was being carried away from the place where half of his life was spent. 

--------oooo--------

"What do you want us to talk about?" Jirou asked as they reached the spacious entrance of the stadium. They were of suitable distance from the noisy crowd. The pitcher had his back leaning against the steel wall of the entry.   
Taki smiled blithely, "Jirou, do you know why I went back here?"   
"Of course, I don't! To tell you, your homecoming really took me by surprise." He paused as they heard the announcer declare a break.   
"And besides, you told Lilica the reason a while ago and---"   
"No, it's **NOT** the **real** reason." Taki's cutting voice hinted pain… well-hidden pain, that is. 

--------oooo--------

Mrs. Hiromi clamped a hand on her mouth, disbelieving everything she heard about her son's condition.   
"I-is there something --- **anything** --- we can do?"   
"There is surgery, madam… but I warn you that it costs a lot."   
"No matter what it is, I'll take it… just save my son!" 

--------oooo--------

But then he masked it up with a smiling face…   
"But it's no big deal anyway. Something I shouldn't fuss around too much."   
The pitcher named Jirou looked sternly, never believing everything that he blurted out In his thoughts, there's something in his friend's eyes that's pained and hurt. He assumed that there must be something bad that had happened to him abroad.   
"Tell me, Taki. Why should I believe the masks that you put on?" the tanned boy interrogated.   
The pale boy's smile then vanished and was replaced by a baffled look. 

--------oooo--------

_A road that never lets me sleep  
Cause there's no way to escape the demons I am forced to keep._

The liquid injected in him snaked within his veins. The youth writhed in pain and jerked about. Tears sprung out from his eyes involuntarily as he surrendered to the pain.   
"Hush, Taki…" a lady with cobalt hair just like his was holding his head close to her. She can't bear to watch the scenario that has repeated itself for almost a week since then   
"Doctor, how long does my son has to experience this?" she cried out. 

She had been hearing her son's voice every night, crying and in pain… with such high hopes broken and ambitions gone astray. She must do something to stop this hurt and blatant feeling that tears her up inside. 

"**STOP IT**!" Taki shrieked due to severe burning sensations crawling on his limbs.   
"Better cut my legs off than let me experience this hellish pain!" he panted as he sunk back to the comforting mattress of his bed. 

He fainted because of the drug... 

--------oooo--------

**"I QUITTED SKATEBOARDING."**

Coffee-brown eyes met stone-cold amber ones.   
"You did? Why?"   
He nodded shortly and bent slightly but surely to uncover the fractures situated beneath the covers of his drawstring pants. There, Jirou saw the shiny metals casts that seemed to have replaced the space occupied by his knees.   
"God, Taki. Is this--- the reason?" the tanned guy hesitantly concluded, still asking.   
"Yes… I fell from the highest ramp during the European skateboarding championships. At first, I treated it as a normal accident but then after that, I even can't stand on my own. After the doctor's diagnosis, they found out that my kneecaps were crushed during that untimely mishap. I spent almost a month crippled and shut inside my room. Surgery gave me my knees back but then…" 

--------oooo--------

"I'm sorry, Mr. Hiromi, but we think you can't go on with your hobby any longer."   
"But… you t-told me…"   
"We're so sorry, but we did all we could. Let's just be thankful that you have your limbs back again."   
"Besides, another injury of this kind might bring you worse effects, and the worst thing to happen is that you might lose your legs--- for good."   
"But, I promise. I'll be cautious…" Taki pleaded.   
"We're so sorry…" the surgeons bowed their heads down low after relating the consequences of the operation. 

--------oooo--------

The impaired skater shook. Jirou noticed tears falling down the floor.   
"Taki…" the pitcher's expression softened as he felt his pain.   
"Jirou!" Strength drained and with no one to turn to, he fell on his comrade's chest. 

_And when I tried to sleep  
The drugs I take are killing me  
I think of you to ease my pain  
… but you're so far._

"You know how much I love skateboarding!" he held on the green camouflage shirt tightly as if he's holding on for dear life. "It's my ambition and my joy… if only I didn't fall, Jirou… if only…"   
"Taki…" Jirou comforted the frantic guy by gliding his palm over the breadth of his back.   
Soon, he grinned. "So… I guess we'll be marred together for the rest of our lives…"   
As we all know, Jirou also had this joint dislocation somewhere on his shoulders.   
To continue, the pitcher's face lightened up as he added: 

**"But you know what? I'll be here to accept you, ailments and all, as my friend."**

_And then I find you here  
Through your eyes   
Everything's clear  
And I am home inside your arms…_

Taki let go of his grip upon hearing those words and looked up, but no sooner his blank eyes began to build up tears, sorrows of the soul, once again. He rubbed his eyes with the heel of his hand as soon as he felt them dripping down his cheeks.   
"That's why I'm here..." he proceeded, his voice muffled by his sobs. "... to fight you --- **for the last time**. After this, I'll vanish and never show up again to the crowd who cheered for me more than enough. I'm saying my good-bye to the limelight and will live a normal life now."   
Jirou, pitying the guy right before him and realizing that he'll be with him for the last time, hugged him.   
"I'll miss you, Taki." He revealed in a soft tone. Taki then felt hot liquid raining on him. 

**"I'll miss you too, Jirou."** He cried again as he sunk his face down on Jirou's shoulder. 

This is such a hard parting between two long friends who met just to bid farewell... and to get hurt. 

After a moment, Jirou let go and said, "Hush now, Taki. Let's dry our tears. Don't cry because I'm happy for you."   
His huge hand reached out to Taki's cheeks and wiped away the route of the crystalline liquid that still lingered there. The male with the cobalt shirt smiled over the gentle giant's thoughtfulness, a sign that he's already better than okay.   
"Let's go back…" Jirou lend out his hand. Knowing that this is their last encounter, he held on… for the last time. 

_But I'm alone for now  
Alone for now…_

--------oooo--------

"We're right behind you, Kuroudo!" Kouya cheered over the lean blonde upon the revelation that he's next in the line-up.   
"I'll try my best, guys." He passed through his team, subconsciously looking back to the tranquil boy sitting meekly on a chair. He hadn't noticed that the certain boy was also looking at him. The blonde had climbed about three steps of the stairs when a voice called out, and that voice was owned by the boy--- his bestfriend. He eagerly waited for this guy to say something. Instead of another word, this meek boy named Kyousuke simply nodded, indirectly saying, "Go get them!" 

**Yes, actions really speak louder than words for these two.**

The lean man returned the nod, but it was of greater value for it includes a warm smile.   
"And the second opponent is…" 

Footsteps were again heard, the queer and monotonous sound that made Kuroudo grip his Shooting Phantom tight… and tighter.   
Silence made him so exasperated and added up to the budding tension inside the pitch.   
"Who could that player be? Is he stronger than me? He might defeat me… no, I'm strong! There's no way he can surpass me." His chain of thoughts swum incomprehensibly inside his head that he hadn't notice that his opponent was there standing right before him on the opposite side of the arena.   
His sight, together with his thoughts, went back in function, his whole being back to the real world.   
There, thin lips curved up and formed a naughty smirk.   
Cerulean eyes went as wide as saucers in retort for the shock that assaulted him without any warning. 

And the sound of a fallen gear broke the stillness of air...   
  



	4. Three : NEVER PERFECT

**Three NEVER PERFECT**

  
  
"And what's this, dear audience? Our valiant fighter, Kuroudo, just lost hold of his gear! Does this mean apprehension - or surrender - in his part? That, fellows, is what we have to find out..." 

What the...? Y-You? 

"Is Kuroudo **still** okay?" Kouya raised his line of vision to the towering guy now up the arena, standing still and bathing under the hot sallow light.   
"Let's just hope he is." Jirou, now back from the sad farewell, boomed behind them.   
"Oh, Kuroudo..." Lilica muttered in distress.   
"What are you standing there?" Kaoru impatiently remarked.   
Kyousuke also looked up from his corner, his eyes having this certain look of empathy, as well as the audience's voices has this odious, annoyed tone. 

Kuroudo, don't just stand there. Fi-- 

But his thoughts were cut off as soon as he saw the adversary. His heart almost stopped in its rhythmic beats. From the heavily-gelled hair and those sharp spring green eyes, he knew him... and this kind of knowledge soon led him into an unlikely pattern of fear. 

"**Shit**!" He cursed loudly which made his co-members turn to his corner. 

--------oooo--------

"Ya scared, **Kuro-chan**?" the stranger spoke and it sliced beneath the harsh complaints of the audience for the match to go on. His voice has this certain stinging stiff accent that made the noisy audience quiet down. 

"Ku-Kuro-chan?" Kouya had the urge to laugh over the given fancy name, but then no laughter ensued. It's really hard to laugh and even just smile in an oppressing situation... just like this. 

Kuroudo then stepped back like his own reflex, and then balled his hands into tight fists, more like draining blood out of them. 

Calm down, Kuroudo. Show him that you have **greatly** changed. 

"No... I am NOT! I am not scared, and I am definitely **NOT** backing off this fight, you hear?" he bellowed, more like addressing his reply to the whole crowd especially to the referee, thus giving him a signal to start the battle. 

That's it... 

"It seems like our courageous fighter, Kuroudo, won't back off...!" The announcer declared as he was being accompanied by holler from the pitch. 

"Tch... you're **still** the insecure brat that I have known a year ago." 

H-How dare you! 

**Gearfighters, ready...**

"Do you remember those times, Kuro-chan?" 

"May I add..." the announcer cut, "... that our newcomer is the Kendo Champion last year. I am sure now you guys know him. More than that, he and Kuroudo also fought in the Kendo Finals for the said title. Now this will be an interesting game!" 

"I see... that's why Kuroudo has this revenging look in his eyes." Lilica added. 

"Remember me, **Kuroudo Jean Marume**?"   
"Yes, I remember you, and that memory's so bitter for me that I want to erase it."   
"Let's all give it up for..." 

--------oooo--------

"... **Tetsuya Rodriguez**!" 

_I stand here face to face   
With someone that I used to know   
Who used to look at me and laugh..._

I remember you very well. It has been a year since you thwarted off my glory and removed the crown off my head. It has been a year since you humiliated me in fromt of so many people. 

It's been a year, still it's all so clear... 

"Where's all the strength that you have been bragging before? Have you chickened out?" 

I won't let that happen. I won't agree on losing. I just can't accept that I lost. So I... 

"Tetsuya, I challenge you on a rematch!" 

_I don't remember being no one! _

"Oh really, huh?" he haughtily raised an eyebrow over me: a pale-skinned, scrawny man chasing after him, like a puppy does to its owner. 

That's the only way to regain my glory, but then I still didn't. 

"Why can't you just accept the face that you'll not always win in a game? **You're never perfect. We are never perfect, you know...**" He preached as he turned away, leaving me there brooding all alone beneath the caramel-colored sand. 

Oh yeah, I'm never perfect? Then what do you call yourself? What do you call not losing every game that you have been into? What do you call being so precise in everything --- absolutely everything --- that you've been into as if there's no margin for error? 

Isn't that what you call perfect?   
I...I...   
**I hate you... because I envy you!**

_I wanted to be just like you   
So perfect, so untouchable   
Now you want me to be with you   
Someone who used to have it all..._

I envy you for being so perfect, as if you're a god among us, the band of mortals.   
I envy you for winning and getting everything you lay your hands on. 

I hate you   
Because...   
Because...   
I want to be just like...   
**Just like you!**

_Do you remember now?   
You've acted like you never noticed me   
FORGET IT!   
Does it always come around?   
You're not allowed to be a part of me... _

You're NEVER going to be a part of me! 

--------oooo--------

"NO, SHOOTING PHANTOM!" Kuroudo shrieked in grief as soon as it was announced. 

**Shooting Phantom, Ring Out. Winner: Silver Barbaria**

"Tch, it's like fighting an absent-minded guy. Come on, get your head off that fluffy pillow."   
He mocked once more as he fixed his crisp silver polo and walked down the stairs. 

I just wish that he would show his flaw... just one flaw. 

Picking up Shooting Phantom, he grimly walked down the stairs too, and no sooner heard comments from his team. 

"Kuroudo, are you okay?"   
"What's going on with you? Why don't you show him what you got?"   
"It's not like the usual Kuroudo we've known..."   
"Is that you?" 

Go ahead, mock me. You only don't know what kind of fright I am into now. 

His negative and dim thoughts were cut off as his sight registered Kyousuke, the quiet guy, blocking his way. 

"Kuroudo..."   
His eyes has this unmistakable look of fear... and surprisingly, some percent of concern.   
Why? Why did you let him?   
Kyousuke seemed to question his capability.   
Why? Why are you looking at me like that? I know, you'll mock me the most, right? 

Hide your insecurities... show him that you're invincible...   
It's Kuroudo's impulsive side again...   
**Unbreakable**

Kuroudo forced a sweet smile to ease the eyeglassed boy's interrogating stare,   
"**I'm okay... you know I am.**" 

"Assure me..." he heard the young man's voice state firmly, slightly hiding his shaky voice.   
His eyebrows twitched in question. 

"Assure me that you are." 

Silence ensued. Kuroudo can offer no answer to the raven-haired boy.   
Suddenly, Kyousuke held on his hand, and was taken aback when it felt so cold that he almost shoved it away. 

I never knew that you could be as nervous as this...   
But I won't give up on you... 

"Kuroudo, I want to give you something." he still held on his hand as they walked towards the table. 

**I'll never let go**...


	5. Kyousuke : TIRED

**Kyousuke TIRED...**

  
  
I know this will hurt me and him greatly, but I have to try no matter what it takes... 

**... Than see him suffer.**

I set my sights on the master toolbox right there at the working table, and no sooner clutched my hands on that thing neatly bandaged in white paper. 

It's something minute...   
... but large enough to shatter our bond like delicately-spun glass. 

God, my hand is so shaky... 

I faced him and even though I don't want to hold his hand which is already corpse-like in coldness, I have to...   
I coaxed him to open his hand with my fingers then discreetly placed the object in there. 

He held on, and was about to look at it. He opened his palms and carefully unfolded it. The others looked at us in great question. 

Kuroudo... 

Just as I expected, he flashed me his angry look again and he almost crushed that thing within the confines of his hand 

Yes, he crushed it and its remnants went falling down the floor.   
No sooner, the others recognized it as a microchip... only now it's in powdered form. 

"I'm not hopeless like you to do this desperate thing. I AM NOT A JERK!"   
His voice came out so angry with so much emotion. I wanted to hide my ears away but then I was in the right state to stand up against him. 

"Me? Hopeless? Mind you, **you are** the one **hopeless and helpless** now..." 

Go, Jin. You have to save him from the impending danger...   
You have to... despite what he has done to you. 

"Guys, don't fight..." Lilica's voice sliced through our spicy discourse. She wanted to proceed, I can feel it.   
"Le--"   
"Listen, Jin. Today, I have to prove something. Today, I have to prove to that Tetsuya guy that I am no junk that he can step on to. I **am** someone... someone who can stand up against him... and **defeat him**."   
"But Kuroudo..."   
"... Listen to me first!"   
"Guys, we must be together in this..." Jirou sliced through.   
"Is this what we have been two years ago?" Kouya added, thus adding more noise to the commotion. 

Why do we have to go against each other?! 

"**SHUT UP**!" My voice found its way and I didn't expect it to be so powerful. It caused more silence than I require and their eyes to focus at me immediately.   
"Kuroudo, listen. I am just here to help you... attain that goal." 

"But... you are harming me more through your dirty tricks," Kuroudo interrupted. "And besides, I just have to show you that I don't need that." 

"I know this is bad, but this is the only way..." 

Haven't you realize how hopeless you are now?   
I don't want you to be humiliated out there...   
I know you hate losing. 

"This is the only way..." I parroted, for he didn't seem to listen. 

This is the only way, Kuroudo. Please, listen to me this time.   
For once...   
Even **this** once... 

_Can't you see that you're smothering me?   
Holding too tightly   
Afraid to lose control._

"I know you can't take ..."   
"**Are you underestimating me or what?**" I heard his pained voice piercing to my ears.   
"No, it's not like t---"   
"**Why don't you put your faith in me?**" 

Faith? **Do I have faith in you in the first place anyway?**

"I think I **should** be the one who's asking that. Don't you trust me, Kuroudo?" 

I knew it. You've **never** trusted me...   
All throughout those years of us being together. 

I have faith in you before, but you yourself shattered it... 

I halted as soon as I noticed his features. He had grown paler, not because of the spotlight but because of this game's tension... and the tension I am piling up on him. His eyebrows met and his forehead produced more creases. He stood there, eyes getting narrower that it looked more like two slits on his face. 

And the bell had its toll... 

It's of no avail.   
I can't be of any help to him now...   
I have **always** been of no help for him... 

_Caught in the undertow   
Just caught in the undertow... _

**Round two. Gear fighters, kindly climb up the arena.**

He looked at me with those angry eyes. No words are needed to convey what he felt. He's angry... burning angry. 

No, Kuroudo. Don't...   
I am **so** sick of it.   
I don't want to see you like that on me anymore...   
If only I could get my eyes off its sockets. 

I closed my eyes, but his burning image seemed to still linger there. 

He left without anymore words of excuse or hopes...   
And all of us grew silent. 

**This is the most oppressing gear pit stop of my life. **  
  



	6. Kyousuke : YET AWARE

**Kyousuke ... YET AWARE**

  
  
I warned you but you insisted   
Whose fault is it now?   
Hah, if only you listened, then you could be winning now...   
But then... 

"Jin, why do you insist that he can't handle it?" Kouya, after few more minutes of irritating silence, questioned me as he removed his blue jacket, exposing his white loose undershirt. The game has started a few seconds ago, and it looks like Kuroudo's really helpless out there. I can't help but to look at him, and now in his eyes I can really see that he's determined to fight him using his own strength. 

He's depending too much on himself... even though he knows that he can't manage. 

I closed my eyes. I don't want to spill the truth anymore, but they have to know it. They **must**. 

"... He's **Spain's great gear master**, that's why Kuroudo won't take it any longer." 

Their shocked voices ensued, totally bothering me why I told them all about it. No sooner, I heard another noise. 

... the sound of glass shattering from the arena. 

"It's fatal, ladies and gentlemen! Shooting Phantom broke the glass wall surrounding the arena due to the great impact caused by Silver Barbaria's special move --- Death Chop --- on it. It's the end!" 

Hollers came from the panic-stricken people running away from the damaged area.   
... And the sad truth was unfolded. I looked up, and saw him still standing there, stooping down the floor that he's stepping onto. 

And what made me furious is the Spanish-Japanese gearmaster's voice... 

"Didn't you know that I am also Spain's not-so-known gear master? I bet that really surprised you. So, what are you going to do now? Run home and cry like a little baby on your mama's lap? Huhuhu, poor Kuroudo, didn't have the enough time to prove me his worth. **GET LOST**! Accept the fact that you're just a piece of junk!" 

I can't bear to see him with that face. 

"YOU BASTARD! YOU SHUT YOUR ILL MOUTH UP!" I shrieked, more likely to cry, as I stepped forward and forcing my voice to go directly to the other side of the arena. 

"Why don't you fight me, you son of a ---"   
"Leave him, Jin. Just let him leave..." I heard Kuroudo's voice whispering to me as he made his way down the stairs. He, the azure-eyed blonde, is of a few inches away from me now. 

I won't let him go away leaving you like that! 

"YOU --- " I still forced.   
"I SAID --- LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Kuroudo bellowed, and I felt the impact of his anger blowing off on me.   
Kuroudo?   
In one blink of an eye, he shoved me away, causing me to fall loudly on the floor on my behind. 

I winced about in pain, and our co-members darted towards us. I felt one hand holding me gently and a voice asking me about my condition...   
... It was Kouya. 

"You never learned, Jin. How many times have I told you that you mustn't cheat no matter how hopeless you are? It has been three years, Jin, still you didn't learn **anything**? What kind of person are you?!"   
He blabbered once more... his "Don't-cheat-because-I-Don't" sermon. I can tell from his manner of speaking that he's very exhausted. 

I hate him, but at the same time, I immensely pity him. 

_I'm tired of being what you want me to be...   
Feeling so faithless   
Lost under the surface... _

How many times have you been like this to me? Telling and scolding me about everything that I have done wrong? To tell you, I have lots of faith in you, but then because of your sermons, it's degrading step by step. 

Tell him... open the bottle....

"You're pretending to be perfect even though you really aren't. Now I see..." I concluded as I stood up and looked directly at his eyes. 

_"I don't know what you're expecting of me,_" I proceeded, this time, my voice came out as straight as ever, so firm and so serious. 

_Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes..._

"Just... just what are you talking about?!" I saw his chest heave as he wondered. He seemed to eat his words... 

_Caught in the undertow   
Just caught in the undertow..._

"I don't know why, but I think _every step that I take is another mistake to you..._" 

Spill, Jin. Spill all your tension out.   
I am sorry, Kuroudo, but this is what I **really feel**. 

As I look at him now, he seemed to be rather confused and puzzled over everything. His face registered a very tensed emotion. 

"Jin..." I heard Kouya mutter, but it doesn't really register much. 

"I... I..."   
I felt tears rolling down my cheeks. My voice turned so shaky... even my hands are sweaty and shaky now. 

"I... I can't take it anymore. I am tired of everything... tired of following what you ask me to be. I am here to help you. I know that what I am doing is wrong... but I am doing it to help you out. I can't get you, Kuroudo... You don't seem to see me... all the efforts that I do just to make--- make you... proud.... just to see--- see you happy and successful all along..." 

Spill... spill... 

"Jin." Kuroudo's voice became so soft. Right, you must realize everything. All the aches and sorrows that you have caused me all along... 

_I become so numb   
I can't feel you there... _

Spit it out, Jin. That bottled feeling in the core of your heart... 

"I am tired, Kuroudo. Tired, but so aware of everything that you've been doing to me all along. I have been a puppet to everything that you wish me to do and to become... and now I think it's time to cut off the strings." 

_All I want to do is be more like me and be less like you..._

NO, not that! There's a feeling ... a feeling that makes you bear with him through the years... 

More tears seeped down my face. I hate crying, but if it's the only way I can vent out my emotions then I will do it... for you to know what I feel. 

I can't! I want to, but my voice hides away... 

_Cause everything that you thought I would be   
has fallen apart right in front of you..._

"I am so sorry cause I can't be perfect like you, Kuroudo. I am sorry... I am so sorry if **I am SO disappointed in you**." 

_And I know I may end up failing too. _

Silence overruled our panel as all our members stood in awe, watching me as I express everything.   
"I am not perfect. I can fail...but **never EVER** think that you are... because... because..." 

_But I know you were just like me with someone disappointed in you... _

Say it! Say it!   
Totally disappointed... 

"Because... I..." I felt my sharp nails dig against my sensitive palms.   
Gloomy silence enveloped us. Because of my watery vision, I don't know what his expression was. 

**I am totally... totally angry at you...!**

"Jin, don't..."   
My eyes flew open in shock... WHAT HAVE I SAID? 

God, why?   
Why do I always have the wrong choice of words?   
... TELL ME! 

I heard sobs, then livid breathing. I raised my line of vision. I saw the blonde running towards me. 

"Kuroudo...!" Lilica called out. Jirou attempted to block him but he shoved him away, such a force unknown of him. 

And I felt his tear pass my cheek as he ran right beside me and bumped my right shoulder. I almost flew due to the impact.   
I stared, my eyes all red and blurry from crying. I felt piercing eyes looking at me from behind... 

My knees are weak... so weak.   
Go, look at me. It hurts, in case you don't know... 

_I'm tired of being what you want me to be   
I've become so numb... _

My eyes stung once again... and it's coming around once more.   
Kuroudo, Pardon me... but I am too weak to face you now. 

I sobbed... even louder than I have done in my whole darn life. 


	7. Kouya : THE CONFIDANT

**Kouya THE CONFIDANT**

You've been like that for too long. Kuroudo's only causing you trouble and pain.   
If only I could reach out to you... be there for you always.   
I wish I've been the one. 

My thoughts were sliced as soon as I heard him speak.   
"You know, Kouya? I wonder why I am like this." His voice were still muffled by neverending sobs. 

Don't humiliate yourself too much. 

"Like a..." I searched for the right term, "Martyr?" I uttered.   
He nodded slightly. "Yeah. Just imagine me chasing after someone who doesn't notice me at all, and worse, that's someone has hurt me all along in my life."   
"Yes, you are stupid, Jin... but then, I admire you." I joked, though deep inside I am always hurt when he says stuff like that.   
He grins now... 

At least I've made him happy. 

--------oooo--------

"You know, Kouya? He's in the Kendo Finals today!" 

I've heard your happy voice again.   
Why does it have to be him anyway? 

"Yeah." I replied in my usual jolly manner as I turned the TV set on.   
"Kuroudo's so great that he'd qualified in the finals, right? I just love the way he moves." 

Tch, I can do that. Just hitting your opponent with a stick? Maybe I can do it **better**. 

"Right." his voice could have never been happier.   
"So, how are you two going?" 

There, there... why am I asking these stuff if I'll only end up getting hurt? 

"Oh well... we just went and watched a movie yesterday. The film was great, though. It was very scary."   
"Oh really? Good for you!" 

I could have been in his place. I asked you out a week earlier than he did, but then we're miles away. 

"And how about you? How's your life doing?" 

Ah, good you ask. Never thought you'd be concerned. 

"Me? I am grounded. Taking up my classes here in Nagoya. I miss Tokyo."   
"Yes, I miss you Kouya."   
Just then, I felt my cheeks getting hot. My ears almost clapped.   
"I just hope that when you come back here in Tokyo, we'll watch a movie together."   
"Sounds great, Jin!" 

Oh boy, you only don't know how happy I am! 

"... and I'll tell you more about Kuroudo." 

That bastard! Oh well... 

"Ah, okay." My voice's expression changed.   
"So, I'll call you later. his game's starting." 

Aww. 

"Okay, take care..."   
Busy tones ruled the other line... 

Drat. 

--------oooo--------

Kuroudo, Kuroudo, Kuroudo... he'd always been your topic with me. It has been the past three years since I have been your confidant, and all you talk about is him, him and more him. I've known every detail of your feelings for him, I have also been there in your happy and heavenly moments with him. I have been also there when you cry because of his impulsiveness. Numerous pieces of advice I have given you on how to mend things up and they all seemed to have worked effectively. 

Jin... 

I have heard your laughs and cries, but it's not you who's greatly affected with those happy and down moments. 

It's me...   
Kouya   
Your friend   
Your confidant... 

Your... your admirer. 

Why go far? Why do you have to chase Kuroudo around like a puppy when the one who immensely watches you is right in front of your face? 

_

Why do you always do this to me?   
Why do you always see it through me...? 

_

I am here, right in front of you, ready to accept your despite your weaknesses and imperfections, those things that Kuroudo can't stand having when he's with you. 

I don't care if you cheat. I don't care if you use microchips during gearfights. I don't mind if you are a bit self-centered and grouchy.   
I don't care if you aren't perfect. I don't care about your weaknesses. 

Because I... I... 

_

Wherever you go   
Whatever you do   
I will be right here waiting for you... 

_

I care for you. I miss you... I love you... more than that Kuroudo guy does. He only cares for you because he's after your skill in making him perfect. He only loves one part of your packaging. But I love you, and I'll take you, the whole package. 

_

Whatever it take   
Or how my heart breaks   
I will be right here   
Waiting for you... 

_

But no, you're talking to me about him. I am your confidant, the one who knows that you love one guy when I myself also like you. Just imagine me being stoic about receiving your stories about him... while I just sit here, wishing that it could have been me. 

It hurts, doesn't it? 

_

It's not supposed to be this way   
I need you, I need you more and more each day... 

_

But I am waiting, eagerly waiting, for that time when you'll no longer be hurt by him and you'll realize that there's still someone who values you in his life... 

... and that's me. 

_ ... waiting for you. _

So I ask you, "**Who's the martyr now?**" 

--------oooo--------

I noticed tears falling once more. It's him. 

"Kouya. I am so... so worried. Should I say sorry?" his tone registered such confusion that bugged me quite strongly. 

Here I am again, to the advice-giving session, while I'll be the one getting hurt. 

Now here's the chance to get him. If I say no, then there'll be no more chance of him being within my reach. But if I say yes, it'll be one more dream broken for me. 

Such a wasted opportunity. 

I will say no, but that will mean happiness for me and sadness on his part. 

I looked up at him as I made my decision... 

I hate it when I see him all sad and gloomy like this.   
I'd rather suffer than see him lonely and moping in a corner. 

"You should, Jin." my voice seemed to be so nervous. Why is this so?   
And here I am, wasting a precious chance away.   
"You should reconcile with him. Don't give up on the fight. Go for it!" I beamed but deep inside I felt my heart shatter into tiny pieces.   
He looked at me and smiled. 

But the pain that I felt is replaced by his smile... a smile that's not meant for... 

Wait... I now feel arms wrapping around me.   
"Thanks, Kouya. You're my friend..." 

I have to accept the fact that the two of us will be up to this level only. 

"You're my friend. I thank you for giving me such a good decision." He let go and stood up. 

"Probably I will reconcile with him by tomorrow when things clear off his head."   
I watched him as he walked away. 

He walked away... and he'll never go back to me. 

_ It's not supposed to be this way   
I need you, I need you   
More and more each day. _

My sight grew watery as I watched him vanish along the horizon. 

_

... tell me, are you and me still together? 

_

He'll be gone, for good. 

_

Tell me, do you think that we'll last forever? 

_

... and theyll be together. 

_

Tell me... why? 

_

Hot tears broke down on my knuckles which were tightly clutching on my jeans. 


	8. Kuroudo : BEHIND BLUE EYES

**Kuroudo BEHIND BLUE EYES**

Here I am again, staring at them like they're the things that value most in my being.   
They're beautiful, though they hide poison inside.   
They're concrete examples of why you shouldn't trust beauty alone. 

People say I have quite and enthralling pair. Mediterranean blue and expressive, that's how my soul windows look like and they adore it the most on my body. They make me look so obedient, kind, delicate and caring. 

Hah, that's the definite opposite of what I really am. 

But they wonder why I don't make good use of it. I always close it, as if hiding it away and never letting it make contact with others of its kind. I should be proud of them, they usually tell me because they're really beautifully... enchanting. 

Darn people, they only see beauty and nothing else. 

As a saying goes, eyes are the mirrors of one's soul. They reflect the being's innermost feelings and thoughts. It's weird how my eyes reflect beauty when my soul really isn't of that characteristic. 

I am hard-headed, numb, uncaring and dishonest with others and even with myself. 

That's why I hide them from other people... this pair of misleading eyes.   
Especially from you, the one whom I have hurt almost my entire life. 

Why do I regret everything that I do when it's all over?   
Why do I commit the same mistakes over and over again?   
Why? Why do I always hurt you without begging any pardon? 

_ No one knows what it's like   
To be the bad man   
To be the sad man   
Behind blue eyes. _

People, especially my team mates, think of me as an arrogant person, someone who doesn't ask much help from others because he thinks that he's already self-sufficient. They don't see me regret what I have done and make up for it. Yes, I am the bad man, but then I am also sad because I hurt them. It's confusing at times but that's how I really am... in the end, I'm also hurting myself. 

My eyes are again looking straight at me through my reflection at the water. They are tamed as of now and through them I can see my insecurities. 

**Insecurities**... this word comes popping out of nowhere as I speak. 

"Look into the mirror. Your eyes give away your deepest insecurities."   
That's Eddie Kobayashi's voice reverberating in my head. He's right... I think he's the only one who can see my insecurities. I knew it: I am so insecure of losing to Tetsuya that I have even hurt my friend... **yet again**. 

_ And no one knows what it's like   
To be hated   
To be faded   
To telling only lies. _

One more reflection appeared on the waters beside me. I turned and I saw him, our team captain. 

"Kouya?"   
He looked at me, wearing a solemn look across his face.   
"Hey, Kuroudo..." he stopped still beside me as he also stared at the waters.   
"Please don't hurt Jin anymore." he started with no further ado. I can feel the growing seriousness in his tone. 

Tch, his name pushes once more in our discourse. 

I turned away and hid my assets, these blue orbs that reflect his image to me.   
"I didn't hurt him. **He**'s the one who have hurted me." I replied, my hard-heartedness pushing through. 

"Please, Kuroudo... just say sorry." he repeated, the intensity of his seriousness growing. 

I want to, but will he accept it?   
I know that he'll just turn away. 

I have tried saying sorry to him during that "microchip incident" just so to end the whole quarrel earlier and not to shatter Griffon into million glittering pieces. But what did he do? He turned me down. He turned away, leaving me all alone. Now on the second time, he should learn how to bow his head and accept his mistakes as an imperfect person. 

Wait, or is that statement applicable to me? 

But there's a feeling in me that forces me to take the first stand. What is this? Don't tell me this is pity again. 

**I won't... I won't... I just won't...**   
This has become my mantra of denial. 

I am hiding once more in the shadows that I have casted myself. 

_ No one knows what it's like to feel these feelings like I do... _

"Why are you so concerned about him anyway?" I settled the curiosity. I then felt him shiver beside me. 

"I... I don't want to see him cry anymore..." I can see he also tries to stop himself from crying.   
"Unlike you, I care for him. I am just a concerned friend who seeks to ease his pain, and that pain's caused by you!" his voice contained impact that shattered and showered itself on me immediately.   
I suddenly felt my soul being pierced.   
"I can't stand all the quarrels that you two are undergoing almost everyday of your lives." his statement burned the twitching muscles of my heart. 

I felt his pain. Jin's voice could be more than his. Behind my blue eyes, I think tears knock on the surface of my eyes for them to flow down freely, yet I still hid it. 

Damn, when will I stop from hiding?   
Haven't I had enough of this? 

_

No one bites back as hard on their anger   
None of their pain woe will show through. 

_

I heard the exact lines of my thought from Kouya's mouth. So exact but with more amplitude and persuasion.   
"When will you stop from hiding, Kuroudo?" he asked, this time he didn't deny the pain he's feeling anymore. His tears seeped down his slightly tanned cheeks. I envy him for he can cry unlike me who can't... who **won't**. 

You hard-hearted brat! Why can't you just show him your flaw? Why can't you accept defeat freely from your heart... your own mistake? 

**Tears are a sign of being weak. I am not weak, therefore I shouldn't cry... at least in front of him.**

My mind once again flashed the crying Jin I have witnessed earlier. It tortures my heart even more. I don't want to see him like that. I don't want to see his eyes making me feel guilty. I don't want to hear sobs. I don't want... I don't want... 

I still don't want to give it up. The pain, the repentance that I feel and soon will build a great revolution inside my hiding and misleading heart. I still don't want to surrender. 

_

But my dreams they aren't as empty   
As my conscious seems to be.   
I have hours, only lonely   
My love is vengeance   
That's never free. 

_

I wonder why my love and respect is something that's painful to give away. I always ponder on the fact why I enjoy hurting him. Is it because I am really a sadist by nature? They're in complete contradiction of what I dream. 

I dream of us being in peace. I dream of us two being friends for a long time. Yes, we are but it really isn't obvious due to our contradicting purposes and views. I am not empty, for I want serenity, for eternal peace... for peace that will be never broken anymore by petty quarrels and misunderstandings. 

But my love is never at stake, therefore I should get something in exchange for it... and that's hurting another. Talk about my vengeance. 

I looked at Kouya, probably he doesn't feel my pain. He doesn't feel that I've been standing here for hours thinking of my worth and making my mind of what I have done. I stared at him, he seemed so furious probably due to the seemingly lengthy silence I have offered on his presence, and on his part it meant coldness, sarcasm... placidity at its most hostile. 

"I'm sorry..." I voiced out, my tone unchanging as a part of me hid behind the metal wall of apathy.   
"No, you're not!" he suddenly bellowed, pain which I think could also be Jin's going with it. My pair, my assets, widened. My sarcasm is once again at its toll. 

_ No one knows what its like   
To be mistreated, to be defeated   
Behind blue eyes   
And no one know how to say   
That they're sorry and don't worry   
I'm not telling lies _

"You're not sorry.. you're lying, Kuroudo! Why can't you be just true to yourself for a change? You're inflicting pain on all of us just by showing us how much of a **fraud** you are!"   
It hit my nerves, this time it's really of greater impact. I felt my hands twitch and shiver. Sweat rolled down endlessly down my cheeks.   
"You're the greatest liar that I have ever known, Kuroudo! Think about it... if you're really sorry then you should have said this right in front of Jin's face. Maybe you should learn how to think of others' feelings even for just a while." His voice broke and he let out a little squeak as he sobbed. He never changed; he's still that crybaby. 

And do did I. I am still my pretentious self. 

"You're nothing but a darn fraud, Kuroudo. A big, pretentious **fraud**!" 

His expression slightly softened from the angered one earlier. He sighed as he wiped his face with the back of his hand, the childish gesture he usually does whenever his fragile heart breaks. 

"Think about it, Kuroudo..." he paused as he gathered his thoughts. The sound of larks flying around the port echoed overhead. The sunset's rays shone steadily across our faces. His brown orbs shimmered with it, thus giving more meaning to his stare. 

The kind of stare that burns my soul and mocks my being.   
Just like Jin's.   
And what he said made my nerves completely snap... 

"Think about it, Kuroudo. Don't let your numbness take a loyal friend away from you." 

With those words, he turned away... 

"By the way, it's already an hour before dinner. Lilica wants to treat us to a homemade dinner in our apartment. Go there if you still have the nerve to do so. Besides, it's really for you."   
And he passed across the unsteady boardwalk that we've been standing onto.   
"For me?" Silence delivered me the answer to my momentary confusion. "Aa..." I realized it as the breeze whispered. Time really runs so fast. 

I have been so wrong, so wrong to hide all until the time is due... 

What he said was a great premonition and an advice fused into one. A loyal friend.... he's been there all along for me, I must admit. No matter how many times I have treated him unfairly and made him feel like he's not a person, he's still there, supporting me all the way. I suddenly recalled how he smiled at me before my fight with Tetsuya and also, how he explaned his sole purpose of heliping me out. 

Yes, he should say sorry, but it's already too late to confront him now, too late because of the reason that's supposed to happen soon... 

_ No one knows what it's like   
To be the bad man   
To be the sad man   
Behind blue eyes... _

Behind blue eyes there's someone straining his emotions to escape.   
Behind blue eyes, there's a being lost within the confines of his conflicting ways and dreams...   
And behind blue eyes, there's a soul who finally sheds tears in acceptance that he's not a god who can't commit mistakes. 


	9. Kuroudo : NIGHT SYMPHONIES

**Kuroudo NIGHT SYMPHONIES **

Time slips through me that I hardly noticed it's already late for restoration.   
I am mortally offended of this grave error that I've committed, and I admit that it's all because of me and my ruthless reasons.   
If only, these words of regret start every sentence I am blurting out by this moment. 

Under the wan moonlight, I walked slowly, not making out that much distance with my feet. I can hear television, radio and even video games blasting on every house I pass by. Indeed, Osaka had made great advancements in modernization; it's a far cry from what it has been years back. It has progressed, matured, grown wiser and moved on. 

But I remain to be me… the futile me. 

Crickets are chirping loudly, singing their part in this melodious concerto of the night, a silent concerto noisy people never understood. I also played my part but immediately, I lost my pace. They have scolded me about the great blunder that I've made, mocking me of how imperfect and loser-like I'm now. I don't care, to tell you honestly, for I'll gladly fine-tune my instrument again and play my solo to make up for everything that I've lost. 

Perhaps, it can happen tonight, tonight when the world is playing a silent opus and also when my distinct solo could stand out. 

I stopped at my tracks. I recognized that one refuge also understood the universal piece. They're also indistinctly listening to the soft violas of the wind and the seemingly rich cello of the blazing stars. 

It's our apartment. 

Doubtful of entering, I paused by the door. From the inside, I could hear mild clanks of silverware hitting ceramics and also there's gentle shifting of feet to and fro. 

No time to lose… 

I twisted the knob open, and I felt the world around me come to a halt. Lifting my cerulean eyes to see what went wrong, my eyesight displayed the four of them eyeing me, totally stopped from their work. Some looked at me as if they want me to keep distance of at least fifty miles, just like what we do to a flammable gasoline tank. One of then looked, spelling out the accusation as soon as our eyes met. Also, some others looked in mixed portions of pleading, conviction, and surprisingly, fear. 

Why are eyes expressive?   
If only they were never created. 

They shifted their glances and turned away, proceeding with their small handiwork. They looked like bees working around the architecture of their home, or if you translate it into this context, the dining table. 

I made my way straight to the table, not saying a word. I know it's rude but then again I know they will neither talk to me nor let me help out. I bowed my head down, scrutinizing, taking note of their footsteps and the sounds produced by clashing, hitting and bumping. It almost blur into oblivion when… 

Someone played a wrong tune. It wasn't supposed to be so loud… 

"How long will we stay like this, not speaking and pretending not to see each other?" It was Kaoru who banged her fists onto the countertop.   
"What do you guys have to say for yourselves? Come on, speak up! One more minute of silence and I'll explode!" she gritted while turning away, as if addressing her complaints to an unseen crowd.   
All were awestruck of her outburst, although we knew it's really natural for her to be that outspoken.   
What made me so surprised is that it's because of me, and only me.   
"The sun shouldn't set upon an argument, remember that saying, Kuroudo?" Jirou began, gently placing the glasses by the dining table. "As I have been observing the past few years that we've been together, you and Jin never followed that unspoken rule."   
"You always spurn each other away, like it's a perpetual game of hide-and-seek. That's the reason why your ends never meet." Kaoru followed up, still staring at the sink but is now participating to the discussion. In my view, I can hear their heartbeats and how they form one piece, a piece of revolt for my misconduct.   
"I know… but he never listens." I mumbled inarticulately, but I heard no reply asking for a repetition. As for this statement, call it a reflex action of my system. Talk about being defensive.   
"Get real, Kuroudo!" Kouya exclaimed. "A determined man doesn't give up that easily. Just like gear fighting, a warrior never gives up until he gets what he really wants until he achieves that goal…" I can tell from the tone of his speaking that he's somewhat affected or maybe he's speaking from experience. I can't figure out what experience it is anyway. "… as for you, I haven't seen any event when you presented your will to say sorry. All you do is lock yourself and bottle your emotions inside. You never share them… you never go out of your shell and tell him what you feel. You're always like that, Kuroudo; you're very secretive. You conceal everything and take on all your problems on your own…" 

Did it hit a nerve? Yes, it did. Badly. 

"… No one gets it perfect on the first time, remember that." 

Tch, I hate people pretending to be goody-two shoes.   
I hate know-it-alls.   
Look who's spotless here… 

"What do you know?" 

I suddenly felt my mouth act faster than the stimulus sent by my brain telling my ravaging mouth to keep its calm. It also had directed my voice to go out slightly angry which made the other participants gape at me.   
"I am just explaining, you don't have to be so touchy about it!" the lecturer's nerve snapped that he also raised his voice, thus surpassing the one I'd made earlier.   
"I ask you, **what do you know**?" I echoed what I said, this time it's of greater force and more deliberate. Tch, helpless beings inside me forced me to do such things unbelievable of me. 

"I know more, more than you know, more than you could ever know about you and Jin!" 

Call it a slip of his tongue because I think he had this expression of pure shock after blurting those words. He silenced himself by reaching out for a glass and the pitcher of water beside my arm and gulping two glassfuls of water hurriedly. The others, I have noticed only now, sat by the table all arranged on a line in front of me. This now reminds me of an interrogation scene I've watched in the movies wherein the cross-examiners sit on a line in front of the suspect… the suspect for hurting another of his kind. Now my nerves weren't only shot, they're _snapped_.   
"It takes a million forever for Jin to approve my apology." My voice found its way out after another sigh. This time, I imagine myself being psychologically analyzed.   
"So it means… you've tried after all?" Jirou questioned hesitantly, respecting my right to talk. Besides, I only opened up now. Without replying, I proceeded, this time it's of my free will to do such, "To tell you all the truth, he approved it a couple of times already, but I cannot guarantee that it's total repentance on my part. It's only effective for a couple of days. It seems like to have eternal peace with him is more like a complex dream. _Kare ga maido tooi tsuzuke miteru_. He's a distant star that I can't reach for my lifetime. I just don't know what to do anymore, so I decided it's better to keep my mouth shut and hide away than to waste my breath on making a million pleas that will only end unanswered and unfulfilled." 

"You… you can't be serious." Kouya was somehow bewildered upon knowing the scoop. 

"He has popularized the fact that I left Griffon that easy. I admit I did but I said sorry afterwards, reasoning that I was so out of my mind when I did that crazy decision. I just wanted to not blow Griffon apart through the dynamite of my anger and fickle-mindedness… but guess what he did? He turned me down; he turned us all down! Although the problem with Griffon was resolved, I still can't forget how he ignored me those times. I… I don't know, but I think shutting up is the most probable solution that I can…"   
"No, it's not the most effective way…" Lilica, our manager, cut off my lines. "The best way to solve any problem is to face it with no shame and no regrets. You can't just let yourself hide from its dark shadows like, forever. Kouya's right; you should once again face your fear of being ignored if you want your friendship with Jin to stay intact." Lilica paused as she looked at the other members now beaming at me.   
"We told you; we're right all along!" Jirou cheered.   
"I knew it; I was right on letting you guys speak up in the first place." Kaoru fixed her long brown hair and tied it on a ponytail.   
"So Kuroudo, are you enlightened?" Kouya smiled too, and I can conclude that his grin had changed from awkward to cultured after a span of two years.   
"Don't you give up, Kuroudo! But, will you say sorry now?" Lilica pushed the question through. 

To tell you all the truth, I am laughing at myself now. It's really a shallow situation but I fussed quite well to get them all so worked up about me. 

"Nah. Let him sleep. Tomorrow will be a good start for us two…."   
I grinned, but the rush of memories and reminders is really inescapable. 

Can they recall the main reason why I am so upset about it?   
Or perhaps they really don't want to talk about it…   
What a way to elude reality! 

"No problem, so let's all…" 

The phone blasted on our ears and soon I picked up the fact that the reason for its peal is mine. A disdainful change of air ensued. They grew silent and the once sweet symphony of laughter turned into bitter stares and hapless sighs. Kaoru looked away with a sullen look on her obviously stunning features. Jirou stooped and faced the floor, concealing his eyes from me. This time, I concluded that somewhere in serenity turbulence occurs… the turbulence of minds. 

"Go on and answer the call." Lilica advised, "He might hang it up if you don't hurry."   
My tumultuous mind then shot back into reality as I saw my own hands already standing up and clutching the white piece of technology tightly. Our manager smiled, assuring that she and all my other soul mates weren't angry or feeling something negative towards me. 

The painful moment of truth has finally arrived. This is what I have been avoiding these past few days and the thing that makes my quarrel with Jin more unbearable, unacceptable and breaking. 

"Excuse me…" I only managed when my feet carried me up to the air and lead me somewhere where the most intense part of my solo won't be heard. 


	10. Kouya : THE FIRST ONE

**Kouya THE FIRST ONE**

I have to know. I have to know what will push through.   
I want to be the first one who'll be hurt.   
I want to… but how? 

My spoon loudly hit the edge of my plate as I hugged my stomach tightly.   
"Kouya, are you all right?" Lilica motioned by my side to check my condition.   
"What's wrong?" Jirou raised his voice, standing up and almost turning the table upside down as he did.   
"My…" I cringed. "My… stomach… hurts…" My intonation childishly revealed.   
Kaoru sighed and grumbled, "You don't have to overreact about it…"   
"It hurts--- pretty much." To my own surprise, my whole body sprang up and rushed to the nearby corridor. It looked realistic anyway, so never mind. 

Darn, I looked like an idiot there, just like I do three years ago.   
I let myself snigger at the memory.   
But what can I do? It's the only way out. 

"Now where is he?" I heard myself mutter as I made silent footsteps so as not to raise suspicion from the group I've left behind. I walked down the narrow hall leading to our bedrooms when a voice boomed out: 

It's him, the one I'm planning to "spy" onto. 

"You can't be serious!" I heard the bellow slicing through the wall.   
Through the said statement, I can conclude that the discourse had begun just a few minutes ago.   
"But how come?" He inquired, pain teeming on his voice. If only I could hear what he's so furious about. 

An idea crossed my mind like lightning. I ran to my room, still trying hard not to make any sound being the gawky guy I am. I just hope my planned solution will be effective.   
Finding the phone set recessed on the wall just before my bed, I forwarded my forefinger to the ANSWER button as I lifted the handset in silence. 

I know it's bad, but this is the only way. 

I heard Kuroudo's voice. Yes, it worked! Well, I just hope they didn't hear the sudden change of air or even the stifled sound of my sigh.   
"… Your mother's the reason, Jean." A morose man's voice replied. I knew it; he must be Kuroudo's father. Never heard much about him, though.   
"Mom? How is he, father?" a panic-stricken Kuroudo almost had his breath clogged. 

So, there is a problem with his mom?   
How could he hide it from all of us?   
He's very reticent, this idiot! 

My hand almost crushed the porcelain miniature statue of GFA that I've grabbed just for a look a moment ago. It's a welcome token of the Osaka Cup. 

Silence reigned… 

"**We're divorced.**" 

DIVORCED? 

Immediately, the figure fell down. If not for the mattress, it could have crashed down to the ground. 

Acrimonious silence followed as the digestion of thoughts took place. 

"What?" Kuroudo's voice broke, not that breaking of voice because of adolescence thing but because of something else: it's because he wanted to cry but couldn't. 

"Ho - How could you, father? How could you do this to our family? How could you two do this to ME?!" His voice was hurting to my ears. He's like a child having a fit of temper. I - even I myself - can't believe it. I recalled how Kuroudo looked so happy being with his mom who seemed not to look her age, although I've actually wondered why his father's not present with them. I presumed that he's been working abroad. 

But I am wrong, totally wrong. 

"There's no use keeping that relationship alive! Besides, she is the one who wanted it that way. She'd pushed me away more than I can take…"   
"But it's you who had pushed her away more than she could take!" 

It's getting more and more personal. 

I felt kind of guilty upon listening. I was about to hang up when I heard a calm reply.   
"Look, Jean. We did it because we love you ---"   
"You broke up because you love me? Like fun it is, Dad. Like fun it really is."   
"We know that you've been affected all along as we fought. So to end this whole insanity, we decided to split up once and for all."   
By this time, I sat by my bed and recalled a day when Kuroudo was out of his mind during the whole practice. The reason? It was his parent's twelfth anniversary yet no celebration followed. Instead, he woke up seeing and hearing his mom bellow at his father over the phone. As he had related to me, curses and tears ruined his day. He's used to it anyway he'd been hearing it almost every anniversary they have ever had. 

"But why… so soon? Why do I have to do so soon?" His voice returned with an indescribable amount of weakness, such weakness I've never known of him.   
"You told me that it will be for one more week or so. Why? Won't you give me three more days?"   
"Son, we have to because the school of your dreams had their enrollment now and their classes will start next month."   
I heard shifting. I presumed that he moved about trying to check on something. I found the calendar by my bedside table. Right: Four days more and one month is soon to end.   
"I see…" he replied with more misery. Even I, myself, felt the same. So, it'll push through…   
"Son, this is your chance so grab it! You know I have so many expectations from you. This is your goal, don't you remember? The dream that seemed so unreachable for you and now here it is! So, don't let it go!" 

"How about mom?" Kuroudo sorely recalled that fair lady. 

"Son, I know you love your mom very much - even more than you do to me." Upon saying the last sentence, there was an unmistakable feel of jealousy that had filled the air. "But, this is where your dreams will come true. I remember how you dreamily stated those one by one when you were a kid. You were so full of life and ambition on wanting to become a great pianist…"   
He paused, fumbling for words. 

I didn't know he wanted to be the future Tchaikovsky.   
In fact, I even have no idea that he plays the piano. 

"Besides, this is my way to make it up to you, Jean. I've been away for almost all your life. I was never there when you grew up. I admit I left you and your mom alone. I've been such an irresponsible family man."   
This time, he blamed himself. I noticed how repentant he was. No, not only because he wants to convince him; that attempt will be futile. What I felt is sincerity on his tone, and I'm not wrong about it. This time, it's for real. It's the truth that flows freely from his mouth. 

"But, will you leave mom?" he inquired, pain lingering and never straining to go away. 

"Son, she has a dream, a dream that will set out even farther than the confines of your home and even farther than the span of our ties. She has a dream and because I immensely love her,   
**I have - I must - set her free**. 

Setting free   
That could be the hardest thing to do yet the easiest word to say. 

_My mind drifted back to Jin.   
Indeed, it is.   
I heard Kuroudo's voice.   
It really is. _

"Set her free, father?" the son parroted, breaking free from his own emotions.   
"Setting free, son - letting go. That's the hardest phase of loving, Jean. We did it because of you. Do you understand now? Do you get the ache of letting go of someone just for the sake of the other?" 

I almost dropped the handset. 

Why are words abundantly meaningful?   
If only I could strain myself from hearing it. 

I could feel Kuroudo sighing loudly then finally inhaling deeply.   
"I understand, dad. I am terribly sorry for the way I've acted. I was just - surprised, terribly surprised. Dad, I now get it. I am so sorry." 

"So, will you?" 

** Will he? **

Shall he? 

Must he? 

Those questions bothered him and also me. If I were him, I could say no for he has yet an unfulfilled mission here. But if he says no, that'd leave his father's heart shattered. Even I am having a hard time deciding. I know it's up to him to decide but I am just after --- 

I snapped my thoughts shut. His decision is about to be announced.   
I felt time stop around me. My heart paced twice as fast as it was when I am exhausted. 

"Dad," He paused as his mind grabbed the right terms. "What time should I---" 

No, Kuroudo! We need you around here!   
What about Tobita Club?   
What about the Osaka Cup?   
What about-what about --- JIN? 

"- leave?" he said the last word most deliberately and without any regret. I felt my heart explode. As if my rain had run out of reason, I pushed the answer button, thus losing its light, and dropped the handset to the mattress. It almost hit the GFA statue by a millimeter. I darted out of my room, my feet running like crazy as if they were on fire. 

Darn, that bastard!   
He then had the nerve to make promises of saying sorry tomorrow, but what has he done?   
He's so insensitive. He's an IDIOT!   
I know his dreams are important, but how could he hide these all to us, to Jin? 

After a moment of running, I heard concerned voices around me.   
"Kouya, you haven't touched your food yet."   
"Where did you go? We've been waiting all along." Kaoru followed out manager's question.   
"Are you sure you've only gone to the restroom?" Jirou even had the nerve to fool around. 

I want to be the first but I never thought it's really painful to be the first to know. 

"Ku - Kuroudo…" I voiced out, my vocal going all so shaky.   
"What's with Kuroudo?" they asked in turn.   
"He…" I clenched my fists before containing my bottled anger into the greatest revelation: 

_"He's not coming back to us! He'll be off --- off to Paris as soon as we open our eyes tomorrow! "_

Truth hurts and it's an irony of how we want things to be. 


	11. Ten : PUSHED

**Ten PUSHED**

The last piece of luggage was securely fixed and attached to the metal stroller. Compared to his fellow passengers', his baggage seemed much smaller, signifying a harried pack-up. He only had three bags and a clear portfolio anyway. To elaborate, he had a bag that was fixed in the stroller which contained some clothes that he'd possibly wear for a week or so, another that was secured at the stroller's handle which had his _kojiki_ and his kendo _fuku_, a backpack settled atop his seemingly narrow shoulders which cased his personal items and finally, a portfolio clutched under his arm that protected his documents, important documents which will serve as a key to open the door to his brighter future-- to his better education. 

_ I've lied to you… the same way that I always do.   
This is the last smile that I'd fake for the sake of being with you. _

His pale and seemingly delicate hands wiped the sweat from his brow as he straightened himself up from his previous crouching position. His fine blonde hair was now tossed and turned so he managed to brush it up with his free hand. As we would notice, his hair grew a lot finer compared to his hairstyle three years ago which had made him more like a perfectly delicate young boy. He now has this long-backed layered hair with some fringes gently touching the side of his tamed face. He had grown more like his mother whom he had stayed with almost his entire childhood years: prim, orderly, simply handsome… thoroughly-bred French. 

An airplane sped up along the runway as it gathered force to impel itself up to the boundless skies, the five individuals observed this occurrence through the sunlight-streaming glass windows of the waiting area.   
"So, here it is…" the flaxen-haired boy finally uttered to his peers as the speaker reported the departure of the first flight from Osaka to Paris… and that signifies the beginning of his voyage.   
He shrugged, feeling helpless to the situation. He bent a little to retrieve the handle of his rolling luggage. 

_ Everything falls apart, even the people who never frown eventually break down. _

His comrades uttered nothing, looking at his form with wary eyes. One pair of eyes was different for the reason that they were due to lack of sleep. No words came out of their mouths no matter how hard they tried and no matter how strong their revolts were against his decision. No blames, no regrets, no shown heartbreaks, nothing. Everything was calm as if they were meant to be that way. They seemed to have suffocated.   
"That does it…" his voice broke as he turned away, his feet carrying him to the passengers-only area. 

_

The sacrifice of hiding in a lie… 

_

"Excuse me, mister. _Daijoubu ka_?" an assistant in the package counter asked him.   
He replied, "_Oui… daijoubu desu_." as he wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. 

--------oooo--------

**"The promise, minna. Remember."**

"But how could we keep that promise? Tell me!" Kouya was about to bang his hands on the table, but it just ended as loud tap.   
"Kuroudo really doesn't want to tell it to him, huh? I can't see the point why he wants to because he'll just know it in the end."   
"I believe," Lilica entered, "that he's doing it because he doesn't want Jin to be hurt, at least this instant."   
"Probably, but he hadn't said sorry to him. Won't that hurt more?" 

--------oooo--------

"Just keep your mouths shut in front of Jin." Kuroudo explained to them in a raised voice. "Is that so hard to do?"   
"I won't take it when he'll know it right now. Probably you should find some time… sometime when everything's all right." He reasoned out.   
"I know it's hard but I just want to ease his pain." Sunlight streamed through his flaxen hair.   
"There's nothing I can do, is there?" He grinned at them but still pain is reflected on his features. 

--------oooo--------

"Yes, but I can see in his eyes that he wants to amend all these wrong things he had done." Someone seemed to understand the message that he contained.   
"Amending? By escaping?" Kaoru interrupted the army-dressed guy. She seemed pretty annoyed about his so-called _indecision_. 

_

Everything has to end… 

_

"Maybe you're not listening to him, were you? Jirou gained his position to speak.   
"Remember his line---?" 

--------oooo--------

_ I tried like you to do everything you want me to. _

"I had made Jin cry almost all the time since he knew me. I can conclude that I am the reason for his loneliness, therefore I should be banished just so he could be happy again-just so I can feel him smile although I won't be able to see him anymore." The blonde's olive-green shirt was wrinkled due to his strong clutch at its side. There, he answered Lilica's former question.   
Kouya suddenly grew uneasy upon listening. For the first time in his jealousy over Kuroudo, he felt ashamed of himself, ashamed of being so selfish that he had always wanted something for himself yet won't accept any reason from the other party. 

There, he most likely understood what _letting go_ meant. 

--------oooo--------

_

This is the last time I'd take the blame for the sake of being with you… 

_

"He is so unreasonable…" Kaoru just mumbled as she fixed her seating.   
"But I don't get it… he lied to Jin. I mean, he could have lied to all of us, but why didn't he tell it to Jin in particular?" Jirou frowned, concentrating on the question his curiosity pulled out from nowhere.   
"I also wonder, Jirou." Lilica nodded, "He'd been hiding it all along. Remember when he first told us all about it?" 

--------oooo--------

There was complete silence in the air as it time had stopped.   
"You can't be serious, Kuroudo." Lilica almost dropped the cup of tea she's currently sipping. It happened at a time like now, and that news caused entire loss of appetite for all of them.   
"How about us?" Kaoru, pained with the word of mouth, asked.   
"I'm sorry, guys. This'll be my last fight with all of you, this coming Osaka Cup. Don't worry; we're all soulmates so I'll always be with all of you." He smiled as if the matter is nothing for him.   
"Did you tell Kouya about it?" Jirou lost hold of his ginger bread.   
He nodded, his blonde fringes tossing toward his face as he did. "Yes, I sent him the message on his mobile."   
"How about… Jin?" Kaoru paused and stated the phrase most deliberately.   
He didn't reply. 

_ The sacrifice of hiding in a lie. The sacrifice is never knowing. _

"Take care, guys. We'll never know when it will push through." was all he said as an ender. 

--------oooo--------

"He did it on purpose." Kaoru managed to pick it up somehow. "Since he doesn't want him to get hurt, he didn't tell it even on the first time so it won't be obvious. What he did was a white lie"   
"You have a point." Jirou complied while preparing cups of tea for all of them. It's only six-thirty in the morning and they haven't had breakfast yet. It's been one and a half hours since he left, and every minute that has passed brings them heavier burdens.   
"Jirou, we're only four…" Kouya stated in a correcting tone as he pointed to the extra cup in front of a vacant table. He concluded that in one way or another, Jirou is also affected, although not directly as he was.   
"It's for Jin, in case he wakes up early. But, I think it's a distant wish…" he sheepishly chuckled over his serving blunder. It's hard to admit that from then on, there'll be no more Kuroudo who'll criticize the way his tea's made.   
"Darn. He's a total liar." He murmured as he stooped down the unoccupied chair.   
"No, he isn't!" Kouya this time proceeded to bang his fists on the table. Everyone was caught dumbfounded as half of their teas were spilled. If Kuroudo was there, he'd surely take the initiative to change the soiled tablecloth immediately.   
"He is not a liar! You don't know what pain he goes through now." 

_ Why I played myself this way? _

--------oooo--------

"Kouya." The tall guy grabbed Yuhya's matured brother on his wrist. The latter's heart thumped and throbbed. He felt guilty for maybe he'd found out the hideous crime he had made.   
"Y-yes?" he stuttered about.   
"I know you've been listening to our talk all along." Cerulean eyes stared to confront him; thus making him feel all the more guilty.   
"I-I'm sorry. I am just curious on why you should have to leave all of a sudden."   
"_Daijoubu_. Just-just don't tell anyone about it, okay?"   
This moment, the thought of loathing Kuroudo with his soul crossed his mind.   
"Why are you so secretive? What you're doing seems so dumb of you!"   
But that question just left him struck on how considerate and concerned Kuroudo was on everyone of them. 

**"It's because I don't want to hurt anyone, anyone especially Jin."**

_ Why I never walked away? _

--------oooo--------

"What is that we don't know?" Lilica realized the loophole he had created and decided to inquire more about it.   
Kouya chopped his tongue off due to control.   
"N-n-nothing…"   
"That's no nothing! We heard you talk." Kaoru claimed an elaboration.   
"I…I…" It's all his faulty decision for being so clumsy and talkative. Should he suffer the consequence of being stuck between his promise to the one who left and the demands of the ones who were left behind? 

Just the, the door opened. 

"_Ohayou, minna_." The guy in eyeglasses mumbled almost incoherently as he made his way to the dining table with his flip-flops. All became eerily quiet as they saw the newly-risen guy as they were in deep thinking and recall of the promise. 

"What's the matter with you guys?" He looked at the wall clock. "Am I too late for breakfast?" He eyed searchingly on the table for remnants of any finished meal, but found none. He seemed to the typical him, so they grew afraid of spoiling the mood for him. 

"_Iie_. You're pretty early." Jirou offered his amiable smile to fortify their vulnerabilities.   
"Then why do you seem so… weird?" His eyes trained around the table. They really seemed to down.   
"We're okay, Jin. We only had tea so there's no breakfast yet." Kouya explained in a happy-go-lucky way, another way to evade the gnawing feeling on his stomach 

"Hey, where's Kuroudo? I need to say sorry about yesterday's fight." 

The question they were all afraid to answer has finally come.   
"He's…"   
"I'd better go and check his room. I'd better wake him up for you so we can have an early breakfast." Jin beamed shortly then turned away. He began heading to the second door at the right side of the walkway. Kouya abruptly stood up and tailed Jin after three wide steps, a symbol that Jin had scurried upon going there. 

"Jin!" The First World Champion's brother cried out as Jin took hold of the knob.   
"Hey Kouya. What's the fuss?" Jin managed to grin at him who was then rushing just to stop him.   
Suddenly, Kouya hugged him from behind, let the guy's head sink on his chest and locked his hands with the smaller boy's stubby ones that were then clutching the knob open.   
"What're you doing?" Jin leaned back and saw his forehead leaning against the small of his back.   
"Let go, Jin. Don't open that door." Kouya's hands traveled down to the boy's waist and held the white material of his pajama top tightly, containing his hidden feelings for him in that grasp.   
"_Demo… doshite_? Kuroudo must be with us this morning, right? Besides, I must say sorry."   
He knew he's never good in keeping secrets that's why he must break it then and there.   
"Kuroudo _ga soka ja arimasen_." he murmured over Jin's shoulder.   
"WHAT?" His voice displayed panic. With that revelation, he tried breaking free from their _okashira_'s tight grasp but just ended up spiraling further into his being.   
"_Hanase_, Kouya, _hanase… ima da_!" Their other members were there, standing far from them, looking at the guy's turmoil. 

** Letting go… that's the hardest phase of loving. **

Knowing that hiding the truth won't do any good, he let his limbs drop by his side. Instantly, the door creaked and there, Jin's eyes widened in surprise to find the half-empty room. He rushed forth and opened Kuroudo's drawers which supposedly will contain documents and pens but found none. Instead, what it contained is his dilapidated Shooting Phantom, the gear he had made specially for him. In his subconscious, this action meant that he'll return after a long time or worse, **he'll never come back**. Fear enveloped him as he rushed to the corner where the blonde's _kojiki_ lurked but found it nowhere. Tears were already welling up in his eyes due to loss of hope. Finally, he darted to his drawer and gruffly opened it. The doors flung wildly. To his surprise, all of the blonde's clothes weren't there. 

_ The sacrifice of hiding in a lie _

"How… How could he?" He questioned. The whole Tobita club minus Kuroudo was by the door, staring at the hapless guy, the most hapless of them all. Kouya was there behind him, stooping down and tears rising up the corners of his eyes as well.   
"Jin. " He ended up muttering his name, and only his name.   
"How could he leave without sending me any word?" Tears broke free and committed suicide on the floor and on his pajama. 

_ The sacrifice is never knowing _

"You knew this all along… all of you knew this all along!" his voice turned brutal and stirring. He eyed other members who were the standing by the entrance.   
"He told us that he doesn't want to tell it to you--"   
"You're lying!" he cried out loud. "He won't do that. He promised me that he'll never leave…"   
"You knew that he'll leave?" Lilica sliced in.   
"But WHY? Why did he hide it all to me, to me… his best friend?" Jin appeared deformed and crumpled on the floor. He shook his head from side to side. 

_ We're all out of time… _

"He doesn't want to hurt you, Jin. Please understand." Kaoru prepared her hanky by her left hand.   
"Was he expecting that I won't be hurt if he lied?" Jin's voice grew loud, such loudness they never expected to come off from him. "To tell him, I was hurt even more…" 

_

This is how we're gone, how we all unwind. 

_

"Jin. " Kouya bent down to Jin's level. He wanted to erase all the pain that lingers on his friend's soul, but he doesn't know how.   
"Kouya… how could he?" he sunk once more to his confidant's being. That question lingered endlessly.   
As for Kouya, he wanted to let Jin know how much Kuroudo cared for him but this topic should be stored, as what his intuition dictated. It's too early for him to understand everything the other party felt. As for him, he understood it very well and realized that he won't be able to surpass that level of concern. 

_

Now I see, you're testing me   
It pushes me away. 

_

But for now, he enjoyed Jin's pain. His arms tightened around the feeble boy's being, not minding all the others' presence.   
"Cry, Jin. Cry it all out." He muttered.   
In the middle of the occurrence, someone had cried not because he's one being sympathetic, but because he felt cheated and that something's being taken away from him so harshly. 

Someone walked out, feeling pain that he'd never felt the past three years of them being together. 

Chocolate-brown hair fluttered through the air as its owner walked away, more heartbroken and unnoticed than ever. 

_

Pushing her away… 

_

- **Owari PART ONE** - 

  
  



	12. Maki : FREE TALK ONE

**Maki FREE TALK ONE**

**Date**: February 15, 2004   
**Time**: 6:15 P.M   
**Listening To**: Chemistry - Your Name Never Gone 

I know this is prohibited (Author's notes should be at every end of the chapters, right?) I know, I know, but take a look at every chapter. The footnotes aren't there anymore. Now, where should I put my side comments and additional info for the chapters? It's here! Don't worry: this free talk is a bit significant to the story. This isn't just an author rambling page, but rather it'll serve as a guide to make you understand more about my fic. 

First of all, **Rejoice**! Part One's done! But you're wrong if you're thinking it'll end soon. I tell you, we're only two-ninths of the story. This story is my first ambitious work for Crush Gear. (As for the Hunter x Hunter section, it's something called "**Hunted Kingdom**" but I doubt if I'll ever finish that) Anyway, according to my original storyflow, we're only in the 3/7 of page one, and it's three pages, I tell you! 3 pages! So, when do you think this'll end? 

**Timeline**: It happened two years after the whole series. The characters pertain to the past as "three years ago" because if my research is right, the whole series lasted for almost a year. This happened near their schooldays, so it'll be about end of May but then you will notice that some characters don't go school (or at least all of them except Kuroudo). Heck, when did you see Takeshi go to school in the series anyway? 

**Place**: The whole story happened in Osaka where Osaka Cup is held. Some places include the Osaka airport, the Kirei stadium and the apartment where they stay in there. That's all for this part. 

**Characters**: In case your imagination's somewhat dull, here's something to make it go boom!   
1.) Kouya Marino - 14 years old. 5'3 1/2" 2 x 3. He'd grown leaner and developed some biceps. White undershirt, blue terrycloth jacket, black stonewashed jeans, white sneakers. During the end chapters, he has his jacket removed.   
2.) Jirou Oriza - 16 years old. 5'6". Had grown leaner and muscular, too. Same cut. Green camouflage semi-fitting shirt, baggy brown cargo pants, black rubber shoes.   
3.) Kuroudo Marume - 15 years old. 5'6 1/2". He's always lean cause he's athletic. Long backed and layered hair which is sometimes tied in a low ponytail. White polo with black vertical lines at the left side. Black straight-cut pants. shiny black leather shoes.. DEPARTURE ATTIRE: Olive-green and cream shirt. Cream khaki pants. black sneakers.   
4.) Kyousuke Jin - 15 years old. 5'1". Moss Green loose shirt. Had lost some pounds. Long-backed hair but is more prim than Kuroudo's. Brown pants that reaches up to his knees. Black socks and red rubber shoes. Plain red cap. PAJAMA: White printed pajama top and comfy pants. Sky blue fluffy bunny flip-flops. (aww cute!)   
5.) Kaoru Hanano - 14 years old. 5'2". Lean cause she's an ectoderm (someone who doesn't get fat easily, this term's according to Candy Mag. Heh, now you wonder why I read that...) Elbow-length shiny hair that sometimes goes in a low ponytail. Purple cardigan jacket with white short-sleeved blouse underneath. Most of the time she wears only the white blouse. Silver loop bracelet at right wrist. Black knee-length not-so-pencil skirt (sorry. not really good at descriptions ;). Silver strapless sandals.   
6.) Lilica Tobita - 17 years old, turning 18. had grown quite chubby but just right. She's a mesoderm (gets fat at the upper body). Shoulder-length chestnut-brown hair in a high ponytail. White long-sleeved blouse (it's a boat-necked top, I tell you!) with black lines at the cuffs. Red (or crimson) knee-length pencil skirt. Black strapless sandals. Silver necklace with a pearl pendant.   
7.) Takeshi Manganji - 16 years old. Almost 5'7" Lean with some muscles. Red loose shirt with two narrow stripes at the chest region. Black elephant cargo pants. Red rubber shoes. Same hair but without the heavy gel.   
8.) Taki Hiromi - 16 years old. 5'5". Same hairstyle but without those horn-like fringes at the sides. Blue semi-fitting top. Black drawstring pants. White rubber shoes. Pale. Black wristwatch at left wrist.   
9.) Tetsuya Rodriguez - 15 years old. 5'5 1/2". Pale. Green eyed. Takeshi-like hair but heavily-gelled. Silver polo. Cream cargo pants. Black leather shoes. Birthday: August 17 in case you are interested. 

**OCs**:   
1.) Tetsuya Rodriguez - Inspired by Takeshi and the thought of making him Hispanic. He has the Manganji air, hasn't he? sniggers Anyway, he's an OC and a Mary Sue (perfect and always "loveable" character) but his being perfect characteristic is for a purpose, ok? He stands as Kuroudo's mortal rival whom he never beats and he's so envious of. Tsk Tsk.   
2.) Kuroudo's father. You'll know his name in this fic's part two. 

**Unknown Terms**: written in no particular order.   
1.) _Kare ga maido tooi tsuzuke miteru_ - He seems so far.   
2.) _Iie_ - No.   
3.) _Daijoubu ka?_ - Are you ok?   
4.) _Oui_ - French for Yes.   
5.) _Daijoubu desu/daijoubu_. - I am ok.   
6.) _Ohayou, minna_ - Good morning, everyone.   
7.) _Demo... doshite?_ - But... why?   
8.) _Kuroudo ga soka ja arimasen_ - Kuroudo is not there.   
9.) _okashira_ - leader/captain.   
10.) _Hanase, Kouya, hanase... ima da!_ - Let go, Kouya, let go... now!   
11.) _kojiki_ - the wooden sword used for kendo.   
12.) _fuku_ - uniform. 

**Songs**:   
1.) Warm Safe Place by: Staind - used at Chapter Two.   
2.) Remember Me by: Hoobastank - used in Chapter Three   
3.) Numb by: Linkin Park - used in Chapters One, Four and Five   
4.) Why by: Avril Lavigne - used in Chapter Six   
5.) Waiting for You by: Richard Marx - used in Chapter Six   
6.) Behind Blue Eyes By: Limp Bizkit - used in Chapter Seven   
7.) Pushing me Away by: Linkin Park - used in Chapter Ten 

**SPOILERS**: What can I say? I don't give away any (except for those writers whom I get to talk to often... you know who you are! winks), so better cut your thrills and wait for the next installation. But then, I warn you that it'll be somewhat mushy from this point on (heck, you see mush parts in here, so expect MORE.) 

**FINALE**: That's all and just wait for Part Two! 


	13. Eleven : TIGER'S ROAR

**Eleven TIGER'S ROAR**

Their inner tears may have dried up since Kuroudo left for France but life goes on in Osaka's Kirei Stadium. The lights glare the same, the crowd is still lively... and the gear fighting action continues. Our protagonists are here once more, continuing the fight though Kuroudo's gone and Kyousuke's suffering a breakdown, for if there's one thing that they've learned from almost a year of struggling to the World Cup, it surely was the lesson of courage, perseverance... and hope. 

"We're up against Manganji Dream Team next match." Lilica announced in an audible voice for all of them to hear.   
"But since Jin's not here, they're in favor of one point." Kaoru continued, scratching her head slightly. "Good thing they considered Kuroudo's loss for if not... oh, we're surely doomed." After that, she automatically grew silent. 

But unlike the life they led when they were all complete and united, everything about them seemed dull... lifeless as of now. 

"Yes, sometimes, I kind of miss the two when they're fighting, especially during gear fights." Jirou stooped down the steel floor of the stadium. They were currently watching the game between the Nagoya team led by someone name Ren Midorikawa and the Shibuya team named Daisuke Sasaki. To refresh your memory, he was the one beaten up badly by Takeshi Manganji during the Regional Tournaments of three years ago.   
"Good thing he's forgiving..." Kaoru joked up a bit as their eyes followed the redhead walking away, the harsh sallow spotlight trailing at him. Moments later, he was seen shaking hands with Nagoya team's captain, and soon, he's already heading up towards the direction where the young Manganji heir sat.   
"Nice work, Sasaki." Takeshi grinned at the former player while he met his outstretched hand halfway and shook it.   
"_Domo, Manganji-sempai_." Daisuke beamed back.   
Why did he call Takeshi his senior, you ask? Well then, the answer's from the announcers themselves...   
"There you go, dear audience, Manganji Takeshi and Sasaki Daisuke shaking hands with each other. If not for the Manganji Dream Team's fame, they could be team mates now."   
"And another trivia," cut another announcer, "Those two were classmates in their elementary days in Shibuya..." And the huge screen flashed a picture of them in their younger years wearing the same gray uniform with blue neckties and grinning. The audience's laughter rolled off seconds later.   
"Hey, where did they get that picture?" Daisuke exclaimed in a fit of embarassment. "Sheesh, I look **so** awkward there."   
"Oh no, now I can conclude that the researchers did their very best. Very, let me point." Takeshi had his left hand covering his eyes upon seeing what was flashed.   
"My haircut in that pic was so annoying..." the redhead stated, referring to the cropped two by three sidewalled hair which was the preferred cut of their private school.   
"And so was mine..." Takeshi laughed with gusto. Daisuke followed, and applause rained last.   
"Where did they get those info?!" Jirou asked aloud, still eyeing the screen.   
"Maybe they had spies for that" Kouya added. It was surprising at how he could act as if nothing sad happened yesterday.   
"Maybe they will also show my "secret" stories there. Hmmm, I just wonder when will they show it to the crowd." He laughed out loud but no one followed. He laughed alone, but soon looked down upon the thought that had crossed his mind just then.   
"Maybe, they'll also show how the four of us met. Too bad the two won't see it..." his face looked so dejected, and so were the other members'. The announcers declared a break but they were still not standing up from their seats.   
"How are they doing today?" Lilica mumbled under her breath.   
"I am sure Kuroudo's up there, studying French maybe." Kouya also imagined.   
"I wonder if Jin already ate his food." Kaoru muttered.   
"Oh boy, how I miss them..." Jirou topped it all off with a sigh. 

"Kouya?" a voice boomed behind their sullen backs. It was a voice overflowing with glee and hopes, a voice that seemed familiar to all of them. They finally decided to turn their backs to confirm their thoughts.   
"Wha...?"   
In front of them stood four individuals... but the lad with short and neatly-cropped hair looked most familiar for Kouya.   
"Wang Hu?"   
"Kouya, is that really you?" His arms stretched to his sides, his gray eyes displayed surprise.   
"Of course..." his voice trailed off when...   
"I missed you so!"   
"Yes, he's really Wang Hu." Jirou silently concluded because he never changed that playful attitude.   
"Miss Lan Fang?" Kaoru turned to the remaining three.   
"The girl with waist-length shiny black hair and clad in a white Chinese-collared short-sleeved shirt and black slacks nodded.   
"_Hisashiburi da, Kaoru-chan, Lilica-san._" Having learnt Japanese upon arrival, the pretty Chinese maiden practised it through her greeting.   
"You'll also fight here?" Jirou asked the now muscular Ma Liang.   
"_Hai._" He nodded sligghtly, making them see that he has no more Chinese braid.   
"_Hajime mashite, Kouya-kun?_" After moments of a warm hug, Wang Hu let go of his long lost friend and straightened his cream-colored silk shirt.   
"We're fine, thank you." Kouya replied after regaining his breath. He trained his eyes on the Chinese lad. Indeed, his attitude hadn't changed and so did his face... slightly. He had grown taller than he, let's say about half an inch. Also, he had matured in his smile, and his voice had grown slightly baritone. No wonder, he almost lost his breath on that cuddle.   
"Say, will our teams fight again this time?" the silent Li Chun asked a random question for all of them. He hadn't changed quite a bit except for his brown sleeveless shirt, his shaggy hair up to his nape, and his slightly fatter built.   
"As far as I am concerned, I think we won't face each other this time." Lilica, being so sure of the answer, replied for the whole Tobita Club.   
"_Sou ka... yokatta._" He smiled slightly at all of them then reverted to his silent yet alert mode. 

"_Gia Masuta Jin doko da, Kouya-chan?_" the reserved Chinese gear engineer asked Kouya who was then standing between Jirou and Wang hu.   
"Uh... at home." he grew solemn in an instant.   
"Why hasn't he come?" she questioned more, not satisfied.   
The brunette team captain received glances from his team members.   
"He's... not feeling well." He sheepishly chuckled, but was instantly halted by Lilica's stern look and nod. He sighed, getting the message, and finally spoke: 

"He's depressed." He revealed. 

"_Nani? Doshite?_" Wang Hu turned worried upon the fact.   
Kouya sighed then asked in turn, "Say, do you notice our another member who's not here?" Wang Hu looked around but Li Chun instantly replied without hesitation;   
"_Marume-san?_"   
Jirou nodded, "You see, Kuroudo left for France without any notice to Jin..."   
Kaoru cut his voice off and continued, "And Jin, being his bestfriend, was hurt. Who wouldn't, anyway?" she halted, then turned her head to the now sullen-looking Kouya behind her and added, "Now you see why Kouya's acting somewhat weird --- and sad --- today." Lan Fang detected pain in her tone and was about to say something when Wang Hu exclaimed; 

"_Kouya-kun, daijoubu?!_" Yuhya's younger brother looked at the tiger child then answered, "_Daijoubu, Daijoubu. Domo..._"   
"_Hontou ni?_" Wang Hu held on his left forearm, his eyes searching, questioning.   
"_Hontou._" he nodded, this time smiling slightly.   
"Ah... _yokatta desho_" Wang Hu nodded in turn, now patting his back.   
"But... why had he decided to go to France?" Ma Liang inquired more.   
"Because," Kouya, knowing how to keep the personal things in private, proceeded, "He's planning to study the piano." Beaming slightly, he added, "He's planning to become the next Tchaikovsky, the French-Japanese version, that is."   
Upon that revelation, the whole Tobita Club members sighed in relief, primarily because he kept the secret well. The Chinese team beamed, fascinated. 

"Really? He dreams of that?" Li Chun raised his eyebrows in surprise.   
"How artistic his dream is!" Lan Fang marvelled.   
"Good for him to dream that big..." Wang Hu retorted, "Just imagine: I'm friends with the future piano prodigy? _Kakkoi!_"   
Lilica and the others smiled at the lad's witty thought.   
"But... why is Jin sad about Kuroudo's dream if he knows that it'll be for his sake?" Ma Liang broke through the merriment, asking a question that'll be probably hard for Jin to answer.   
"The Tobita club members admitted that he has a good point, but Kouya decided to reply: 

"Its because our team already has a deep bond between each other. Of course, it's saddening to know that one must leave and one must let go..." 

_It really is, Kouya. It really is._

Lan Fang seemed to have read Kaoru's thought through her now dim blue eyes. The assistant manager, upon letting her eyes meet with the girl's navy blue ones, tried to move them away in denial. 

"**Next match: The Four Stars Team vs. the Shibuya Team. Gear fighters, get ready.**"   
The screen flashed the announcement. 

"So, we'd better get going. Nice meeting you again!" Ma Liang, being the time-conscious being that he is, ended the talk immediately.   
"We'll just see each other later." Li Chun nodded gracefully.   
"_Ja, Kouya-kun! Mata ne!_" Wang Hu waved a hand at them while Lan Fang looked back, nodding and subconsciously observing the young lady dressed in purple.   
When they were of good distance, Jirou patted Kouya's back, saying; "I'm proud of you, Kouya. Indeed, you understand Kuroudo's situation." 

Instead of replying, he just mumbled; 

"I wish they knew... I wish they really knew..." 


	14. Jirou : GAINING KNOWLEDGE

**Jirou GAINING KNOWLEDGE**

The Four Star team's gameplay was so amazing! I can't help but to marvel at how great they were despite the considerably long break from gear fighting. I just wonder if they have been practising during that two-year span because they have become much better than those times when I fought with Li Chun.   
Of course, they have shunned their bad ways of torturing their opponents, the way the Gear Pancratium initiator Ming Wu taught them. To cut it short, they have developed a new set of fighting styles but they still retained their trademark moves without the sadistic feel. Li Chun had been great with his spikes, but now he only used them as a side weapon. His great tactics led them to their first victory against Shibuya team. Miss Lan Fang --- boy, had she grown more gorgeous! --- had given up gear fighting, but she was the main tactician of the team. She also served as their official gear master. No wonder she and Jin had clicked with each other! But, she's really gorgeous... no way! Lilica's much prettier than her! I let myself smile at the thought of our mother-like manager. To go on with my mind rambling, Ma Liang may have lost his battle, but he left great damage on his opponent's gear through his well-developed new move that's somewhat reminiscient of my pal Taki's Spinning Corkscrew. I wowed at my seat as I watched that terrific move take effect on the opponent's gear, but too bad he had used up all his battery power... that left him weaker than the usual and that fact led the opponent beat him easier. Hah, if only he hadn't used up all his battery power, then he could have won! It was a match well-deserving of an applause and a great recap nonetheless. The last match between the two captains was a blast! I cn't even blink my eyes in anticipation of who's going to win. I fact, I think I really didn't blink! The match was so unpredictable. In one second, Wang Hu seemed to be winning, and in another, Daisuke seemed to have the upper hand. It was well-fought, in short. What made me go "WHOA!" was Wang Hu's tamer version of Fighting Tiger Killer Paw... hey wait, it's still destructive, so I won't regard it as a 'tamer' version. What I meant was it's the same move minus his tiger-child attitude. As usual, he so calm playing the game, which is an interesting thing to take note because Daisuke got annoyed of this optimism. Good thing he didn't turn out to be a wild tiger-child just the way he did when Kouya and he fought two years ago! In the end, Wang Hu won, bagging the place to fight other team for that stay in Hawaii prize... 

Wait! I've finished thinking about those happy thoughts, yet they still aren't back here? Where is everybody?! 

You see, they left me here alone, waiting for them. I think Kouya rushed to a nearby food store to buy some crab sticks, of course. Boy, he indeed had grown addicted to it since Jin bought him those at the airport two years ago... oh, Jin. I just hope he's fine back in our apartment. To tell you, I had grown all the more worried about him especially when he grew depressed because of Kuroudo's departure. I miss the grouchy gear master and his brutal comments during gear fights. Too bad he isn't here to comment on the fight and see his crush... none other than Miss Lan Fang! Tee-hee. I just wonder how Kuroudo's doing up there at France. If I've calculated correctly I think it's already past midnight up there on Paris. Is he sleeping soundly now, or is he wide awake, thinking about all of us or his mother perhaps? Actually, I myself was surprised over his family situation. I mean, If I were on his shoes, I could have given up easily or even screamed my guts out. But he, he took it calmly, though I know that there's turbulence deep inside his being. Is he homesick? Is he worried just the way we worry about him here in Japan? 

What's taking them so long? Where's Lilica and Kaoru?! 

Grr, I'd better go inside now and check them out; I'm growing bored around here. I let my feet carry me to the Kirei Hotel just behind the stadium. Actually, I adore the architecture of this stadium for it has a mini-hotel behind it unlike other stadiums that only has this wide backstage for the teams' staying rooms. Heh, am I being too biased? I looked around, but suddenly stopped when I smelled the delicious aroma of red bean buns wafting through the air. I stopped over and absorbed the aroma before continuing to run. No sooner, I reached our room and I grew surprised to see neither Lilica nor Kaoru there. It's already locked. Darn, where did they go? I sprang to my feet and rushed around, my eyes quickly sweeping through every door I meet, checking out either a lady with chestnut-brown hair tied high up or a girl with flowing chocolate-brown hair. Almost all the doors were already locked. I stopped again after running continuously for about ten minutes at a speed of thirty miles per hour (that's just an approximate) and caught a glimpse of the scenery outside. The sun was already sinking down the horizon. I presume that it's almost dinnertime, but they're still nowhere to be found. Are they trying to surprise me on a pre-paid dinner or something? Aww Jirou, quit those silly thoughts! You'd better keep on searching for them. Tee-hee, you're right... wait, have I gone schizo there? 

No time to lose anyways. 

My feet kept on running like they were robotic limbs incapable of exhaustion. I rushed to every room, every corner, every--- 

"Lan Fang..." 

I suddenly came to a halt, my feet finally getting the message of my brain to stop any occuring activity. The said name sent my ears into further listening. The voice told my brain that it's kind of familiar... the voice **is** familiar. 

Silence followed; I looked around. At one turn, I saw a door slightly ajar, allowing a small triangle of light to bounce on the floor to my eyes. 

"I want you to talk to Jin." 

As I have been told, the voice is indeed familiar... it belongs to Kaoru, but unlike the juvelant voice we've known of her, this one's sullen, pleading... serious. It's the Kaoru we seldom hear. 

"Me?" I'm sure it's Miss Lan Fang's voice, of course. "But what am I going to say?" she continued. 

"Anything. Just about anything." the other sullen voice replied. Man, is this girl talk? It's not my nature to eavesdrop, but tell you what? I'm interested, and I'm not like the rumor mongers around here somewhere who listens then let the press publish what they have heard. I'm not that kind of person, therefore a little listening won't hurt. Listening is gaining knowledge, anyway. 

"I'm sure everything that happens is for a purpose, right? So, telling it to me won't stab. Besides, I might be the one who can help you out." the relaxed voice was so soothing to hear. Tell you what, Jin? You're lucky! 

Silence ensued again. I think Kaoru's having doubts. Later, a sigh registered.   
"Miss Lan, I want you to comfort him."   
"Say what?" still, the voice remained relaxed.   
"Yes. I want you to talk to him about what I told you." So, she told Lan the truth behind Tobita Club's sadness... especially Jin's. No comment.   
One more pause. Probably Miss Lan's already thinking about it.   
"But I won't do it unless I know the reason... the **real** reason... for it." Heh, smart lady we have here.   
Another pause, this time longer. Then, something broke it. Sobs.   
"I can't stand it." the words seemed muffled to my ears. Maybe, she leanedon somewhere, most probably on Miss Lan's shoulder. "I can't stand seeing him hurt."   
"Huh? Don't tell me she's got a thing for Jin! The revelation seemed...   
"You mean... Kouya?" Lan Fang concluded, and I believe her. I mean, she had been treating him differently, right? Besides, the thought of Kaoru having a thing for Jin is crazy, crazy, and simply crazy! HILARIOUS!   
"You can't stand seeing Kouya so lonely, right?" Miss Lan Fang elaborated. Silence.   
"I see. Just as I thought, you have such deep concern for that guy.:" her voice proceeded. "He's grown cute anyway, no wonder."   
Kaoru choked back a sob and slightly blew her nose. It's pretty obvious that she has a thing for out captain. Girls are just so... predictable, aren't they?   
"I don't know." Kaoru explained in turn, "Sometimes I just want to loathe him with all my soul because of his terrible grief for those two but sometimes I just want to hug him... but..."   
"But?" The Chinese maiden was left hanging. 

"**But... he seems to not notice me at all.**" 

Poor girl. Just as I thought, this is indeed girl talk. But at least, I've grown to sympathize with another member of our team. This is the side our other members have never heard of. I am not a rumor moner, therefore I should stick to my promise of not spilling any beans up.   
"Don't worry, Kaoru." I heard patting. I daresay it's Miss Lan comforting her. "I'll do something about it. I'll try my best to stop Jin from being so depressed just so Kouya will stop, too." she paused and I heard movements of the chair.   
"I'm proud of you, Kaoru-chan. You're a concerned... girlfriend." 

Next thing I heard was Kaoru's protests about her term but I know deep inside she complies with it... **totally**! That, people, is the unspoken side of Kaoru Hanano... and the side she only shows to her love, Kouya Marino. 

Wait, I sounded cheesy there, didn't I? All I have to do now is to pretend that I heard nothing. It's easy for me to do so, anyway. I've been hearing a lot lately. Now, this is what I call gaining knowledge... secretly. Tee-hee. 

I can't wait to go home and eat, that's all I can say for now. 


	15. Thirteen : RIVALRY?

**Thirteen RIVALRY?**   


"Kouya, did you hear me?" 

The girl wearing a purple jacket spoke for the fifth time to the unsuspecting and seemingly dumbfounded being.   
"Wha--- what?" The team captain looked up at his co-members yet it's noticeable that his eyes weren't focused at them.   
The girl labeled Kaoru looked back to her members with a worried look, then simply sighed her worries away.   
"Kouya, you're up...." Lilica heed warning, anxiety in her tone.   
Curious to know what was really going on, he listened to the announcer. 

"Kouya Marino, team captain of the Tobita Club, please come up to the arena now. Your default time is three minutes. If you do not come here, Takeshi Manganji will automatically win this match." 

Upon hearing the phrase "default time", he sprang up to his feet and ran for it, ignoring his comrades behind him.   
"I'm worried." Lilica muttered. "He's not in a good condition to fight now."   
Kaoru kept silent as if she's unaffected. Jirou then stood behind her, patted her shoulder and stated, "He'll be okay..." but when he turned his back, he added, 

"I just hope he will be." 

--------oooo-------- 

Fireworks boomed at both sides of the arena, and those type of fireworks were only used for a greatly-anticipated battle. This one is, in short terms.   
"What's up with you, Kouya? Overslept?" Takeshi put on his high airs again, the way he had worn them three years ago. Meanwhile, the Second World Cup Champion stooped down, his eyes looking right at the center of the arena.   
"Huh? What's up with you?" the young Manganji heir scratched his head, his eyebrows frowning in slight confusion and wonder. 

"Gearfighters, set up!" 

The guy who looked like an F-One racer three years ago had done his pose, but he noticed Kouya not doing anything at all, not even turning his gear on.   
"Hey, Kouya..." Takeshi stated in a soft voice, just enough for the other to hear.   
"Huh...? O-oh." Upon noticing the warning, he unsurely made his own pose for the throw.   
"What is going on with our Second World Cup Champ, dear audience? Is this something _team-related_?"   
The remaining Tobita Club members on the other hand stood at their area, their faces full of worry on what is left to come. Surely, Takeshi had improved despite the fact that he's already preparing to take over the Manganji business someday. They knew him well, and this led them to a pattern of uncertainty... 

Especially now... 

--------oooo-------- 

"Why are you staying here at the Manganji Laboratories?" a chubby twelve-year old froze in childish fear as he was caught in the act on his so-called _unfaithfulness_ to his team.   
"Is it because you are betraying us secretly, huh?" The younger Kaoru glared at the young Gear Master.   
"Uh... of course not!" he defended back.   
"Then, why?" the team captain, in his white-jacket glory, asked.   
"I was... uh... updating Garuda Eagle."   
"What? Really?"   
He nodded, fixing his dark-rimmed glasses. "You see, I really need an updated computer to check it out, therefore..."   
"Therefore you used the Manganji Laboratories' equipments to do so." Kaoru guessed.   
"Yes. That's exactly what I did." The Gear Master named Jin smirked. "Besides, he gave me the right chance anyway."   
"Takeshi giving a chance to his opponents? Sounds fi---"   
"Thanks, Jin!" To the gear genius' surprise, the team captain who was about an inch taller than him attacked him with a playful hug. "I'm really grateful that you are on our team."   
"Uh... no problem..."   
"You swear that it's the truth?" Kaoru returned to her 'glaring mode' and faced the eyeglassed boy who was then being squished by the clumsy captain.   
"Oh... o-of course! I won't betray you guys."   
"Assure me... or else!" she raised a tightly-clenched fist and aimed it at the genius. The boy again quivered in fear.   
"Don't be so harsh on Jin." Kouya, still 'flattening' Jin, reprimanded the young girl. "I'm sure he tells the truth." He stopped then added finally, "Thanks again, Jin!" 

--------oooo-------- 

"Kouya, look out!" 

But the Tobita Club's manager's shout was too late. The gear hurled towards the team captain and landed directly on its front weapon on the young man's face. It caused an instant wound on his cheek. No sooner, crimson blood dripped down, staining his white shirt.   
"Kouya, are you all right?!" Takeshi asked with an amount of concern. They remember well how he had mocked Kouya becaused of his inability to gear fight well against this rich young man, but when the lad won against him on the World Cup, there's no more reason for him to be _that_ hostile. "It was all a test. Everything I did was a test I was asked to administer on him... by his brother himself." his mind stated. 

**"Round one: DRAW!"**

"Can you imagine that? The two gears lasted in the arena just running around in circles? That just proves how great these two are... or is Takeshi Manganji just trying his best not to attack the World Cup Champ?"   
"And..." cut another announcer, "Is Kouya Marino still okay? He has his right cheek wounded... shall we go on with the second round of this match? That decision we will leave to the concerned people." 

--------oooo-------- 

"You're such an idiot! Look at what you've done!"   
A loud bang registered on his senses. It was Jin who caused that.   
"This gear is one of the greatest creations ever made in the Crush Gear World! This is made by your brother yet look at what you've done!" he angrily bellowed at their _clumsy_ team captain while pointing to the now badly dilapidated and torn Garuda Eagle sitting by his worktable.   
"Jin..." Kaoru muttered, feeling that his bellowing will only heighten Kouya's loneliness.   
"I- I'll fix it..." In a slightly muffled voice, Kouya still stooped down, never revealing his face to his co-members.   
"What are you, stupid? Are you insulting my ability? Are you----?" but he stopped in an instant as soon as he felt something shattering on his knuckles which were then strangling the boy's collar.   
"K- Kouya?" his eyes flew open as he saw the broken-hearted expression. Eyes all red and swollen looked up and stared at his gray-colored ones. Cheeks stained with tears tided his view, and...   
His cry almost shattered his ears... and his heart. 

"Kouya?" 

"If you won't do it, then I will...!" he escaped from the smaller boy's grasp, then grabbed the pieces of metal that was Garuda Eagle and ran away. 

"I will fix Garuda Eagle by myself!" 

--------oooo-------- 

"Is there something bothering you?" 

A voice, seemingly familiar to all them, asked.   
"Takeshi?" Jirou almost leapt up from his seat upon seeing who visited their captain. They were granted a ten-minute break for Kouya to fix himself.   
"Uh..." Kouya's coffee-brown pools looked down, obviously denying many things.   
"None." He stated and Takeshi surely didn't believe him, as one can see through his expression. 

"If there is **really** nothing that's bothering you, then why don't you try fighting me with your Second World Cup prowess?" 

With those challenging words stated, he turned heel and walked away in his usual arrogant fashion.   
"Is he trying to bring back their rivalry days?" Jirou pondered but concluded soon, "They **have been** rivals anyway."   
"Kouya! You shouldn't have let that Takeshi idiot beat the hell out of you out there! You should have stood up and fought. If he has become tough, then why can't you become tough, too? I know you're stronger than him and you can easily beat him, but why? Why are you **careless** out there?!" Kaoru had her sudden outburst before settling down calmly to treat and bandage the captain's slightly long wound. She had probably said those words unaffectedly but for her, these are the words she wanted to use to comfort the one whom she adores secretly yet passionately.   
She was about to place the iodine-soaked cotton swab over the wound but Kouya slapped her hand away. The swab went rolling down the floor and redness was obvious on the young lady's hand.   
"You don't have to scold me about that as if you're perfect. I know what I am doing so **have your own life**!" He halted then looked down, his brown bangs covering his eyes. 

"I'm just... just.... reminded of some--- someone, and I'm sad because... because of his loss." 

His eyes turned fiery as he looked up at Kaoru. The girl turned bewildered, fear present on her face... fear of those eyes.   
"**BREAK OVER.**" The screen flashed. He stood up, never turning back to them.   
"What's with all those moodiness?" Jirou scowled at their co-member who had his back on them. Upon saying the last word, footsteps registered on his ears.   
"Kaoru!" Lilica's voice called out and Jirou saw a figure scurrying away from them.   
"Kaoru-chan..." Having known of her inner thoughts, Jirou just sighed. 

"Kouya, if only you knew..." was all he said. 

--------oooo-------- 

The game has ended and crowds of interviewers came and gathered around Takeshi Manganji's place. Obviously, from this scene one can already conclude who emerged victorious.   
Eyes trailed a group of three people simply making their way out of the arena, doing it as discreet as possible. No matter how strong his will was to escape from the surging crowd who had been asking for his victory words, he can't do anything but to let the pandemonium pass and grab a time to confront the confused captain. 

"This issue's getting worse." came his simple ender. 


	16. Kaoru : COLD AS STEEL

**Kaoru COLD AS STEEL**   


Just who do he think he was, pushing me away just like that?   
Tobita Club's also dysfunctional without me! Just who did he think he's yelling at?   
If only he knew that I cared. If only he knew that I have been seeking for him.   
If only he knew... that I love him so much. I've **been** loving him. 

My fragile back leaned on the steel wall of our waiting room, seeking comfort through its harshness, blankness and coldness. 

Coldness, numbness, apathy... it all points to one thing, to one person... 

I am Kaoru Hanano, Tobita Club's assistant manager, the loud-mouthed girl whom they knew to be so pushy, so bossy, and so frank. Well, that was three years ago. Of course, as time passes, I do change. I change... everyone does of course. Just like Jirou, Lilica, Kuroudo, Jin and all others... 

But my feelings for him still doesn't change. In fact it might have grown strong. 

They all have changed, especially Kouya. 

He indeed had changed, He had grown handsome and manly, I must admit to myself. He had changed, but not the change I'm anticipating of him. 

To love me back. That's the change I wanted. 

He had grown cold, blank... sad. Blatantly sad. 

_ Are you aware of what you make me feel, baby? _

I compare the Kouya I've known three years ago to the one I've seen lately. I must admit that I was very irritated with the extremely clumsy and indecisive team captain, but on the other hand, I liked him because at least he shows emotions, signals that he's still human. 

But what is he now? Who is Kouya Marino now? 

Is he really aware... does he really know something --- anything --- about me? 

_ Right now I feel invisible to you like I'm now real. _

Am I just someone who serves as a decoration in your life? Am I just someone who's there only for you to lean on when you have problems? Well, in fact you hide everything now from us... even your problems. 

You said it yourself: we are your soulmates, the type of soulmates irreplaceable for you in your life. But why do you slowly drift away from us? 

Did the distance eat the bond the whole Tobita Club had established three years ago?   
Did the distance eat away your emotions for us... for me?   
**How could you be so numb?**

Why do you slowly drift away from me? 

_Didn't you feel me wrap my arms around you? _

The Kouya I've known three years ago will surely accept any warm offering of concern given to him because he needed it badly. The Kouya I know now (or I see. I've never known him anyway for he's hiding...) closes himself from all the others' touch and concern. The Kouya I've known back them will easily take a harsh side comment from his bossy friend with either a smile or a sheepish grin, but the Kouya I've seen earlier had grown so impatient, so hostile... so unknown, so distant to me. 

Did the distance already eat the heart of our team captain?   
Did the distance bind you with unbreakable seals so I won't be able to reach you anymore? 

_ Why do you turn away? _

Currently, the only thing I've seen clearly of you is your back. You're not anymore the expressive Kouya I've once known. Probably it's due to adolescence thing, but I just wonder: **Does adolescence make a heart of someone rigid, hard?**

My hands, I've been trying to reach out for you through these...   
My words, they've been trying to reach your heart, hoping that in one way or another it will open up for me.   
I've been hoping that somehow, even for just a split second, I'd get a simple chance of seeing who's in it. 

Is it me, or is it someone else? 

I'd been waiting for you to approach me one moment and talk to me about random stuff just like we usually do back then... 

Is this the end? 

These eyes, they've been looking at you --- your humongous back. These eyes, they've been searching for any clues on to what you're up to now, hoping that even though you won't speak up, there's still a hint that you're thinking of me... 

These eyes. These eyes have been crying... 

_ I was left to cry, weakened inside and breathing with lost air. _

If only tears could bring you back, if only my tears would restore the happy bond between you and me; if only these tears could be seen by you. Well, if they will be, will you wipe them away, or will you just leave me here, sulking... and you'll just feel as if these tears are for someone else? 

Don't be so numb, you idiot! These tears are for you, and only for you!   
Don't be so insane! I know that somewhere in you, you also want to cry...   
Don't make-believe that no one loves you, because I do. I've been and will always do... 

_ Why should I care?   
Cause you weren't there when I was scared   
When I was so alone. _

But why should I care anyway? If you don't care, then I won't too! Why would I waste these tears for you, if you don't try hard to see it? Why am I being so lonely because of you? There are more things to be preoccupied with, not just you. If you don't know that I exist, then I'd better forget that you do, too. 

_ If you don't care, then I don't care   
I'm not going anywhere. _

I'd simply forget that you're Kouya Marino, the boy whom I immensely admire... before. Now, you aren't, and I don't care if you live in this world, that you're part of our team. I don't care it you'll again shout at me or ignore me. I won't be hurt, because I have no special feelings for you. I don't care. 

But I **do** care! I do care because... because... 

I leaned by back again on the steel wall and hugged myself onto nothingness. 

I love you so much, and there's no more greater reason than that for me to act like a martyr for you... just for you. 

_ Crying out loud, I'm crying out loud... _

I just noticed... the wall I'm leaning to is as cold as you. Unwelcoming, selfish, apathetic. That's who you are now. Can't you see the person that you've become that you're continuing to live your life as if you're alone in this world? The Kouya I know had been constantly thinking for everybody's sake. Or perhaps, you started shutting yourself from this world since another person was hurt... 

The gear master. 

_Open your eyes! Open them wide! _

You're hurt when Jin was, and I can't stand all these silence going on in our team. I wonder why, but I don't need to because you're so cold. You've been thinking that you're alone in this world: unnoticed, unappreciated... lots of un's. Since Jin was depressed, you've also had grown the same. Why? What is it with him that makes you sympathize? 

Or so to speak, what is it with me that makes me want to sympathize with you who sympathizes and cares for another? 

_ I'm starting to trip, I'm losing my grip. _

We... we are only two of all those people in this world who feel unnoticed and unrequited. Indeed, there are many questions in this world that will remain unanswered. But for me, I won't let this unresolved. Sooner or later, she'll be there to confront him, the boy whom you've been so worried about. 

My hope. Miss Lan Fang. 

_

While I'm here staying alone. 

_

It's only now that I realized that coldness could also be comforting. Wonder why? It's because I found out only now that you're _colder_ than this wall. At least this wall, though cold, is here with me... unlike you who's drifting far, far away. 

Now if only I could love a wall, then things could have been better for me... ne, Kouya-kun? Right? Right.   
  



	17. Lan Fang : FAVOR RETURNED

**Lan Fang FAVOR RETURNED**   


_"Women have great white wings that they use to protect their special ones with."_

I've never thought of it. I have this memory of three years ago of a young chubby boy comforting a helpless maiden in a park. They were talking about their individual frustrations and inner fears, but in the end they struggled together to find respective solutions to each of their problems and to ease their negative feelings. Then, they left that bench, having more and stronger self-confidence than ever. 

Who would have guessed that it'll be repeated right this very day, only now it was the maiden who'll mostly comfort the chubby boy? You've guessed it, the boy I'm talking about is Jin, and the helpless maiden before is me, and no one else. 

I've knocked on his door already for the third time. It seems like he's already sleeping. I was about to turn heel when I already heard his voice muttering, "Who the hell disturbed my..." then the creaking of the door in front of me. I saw him wiping his eyes with the heel of his hand before proceeding to wear his glasses. He's about three to four inches shorter than me so he first took a look at my feet, then he raised his line of vision up to my hips and upon ending his sight on my face, a deep shade of crimson immediately tinted his once pale cheeks. I slightly giggled at his expression when he saw me. He acted as if I'm a ghost who he can't believe to have visited him in broad daylight. 

"M-miss L-L-Lan F-Fang! W-w-why you h-here?" he stammered , still looking at me as he opened the door wider for me to step in to his room. He almost tripped on the slightly raised carpet upon his return to his bed. I chuckled once more. Oh Jin, you really didn't change. 

"I am just paying you a visit." I smiled slightly, eyes focusing at the corner where the ceiling and the wall meet. That's my habit I usually do whenever I think on how to start a conversation correctly. 

"O-oh... T-thanks." I just noticed everytime he speaks to me, his crimson cheeks always come back. I decided that it's no time for playing around anymore. Someone needs my aid... 

... plus, I have to return a favor. 

"Jin, why are you not there this morning? I've seen all your other teammates... well, except for Marume-kun." His deep blush disappeared and his paleness reverted. There, I can conclude that there really is something between him, Kuroudo, and the whole Tobita Team. 

"I was just.... sick." he simply replied, wearing a sheepish grin. Denial, a way of eluding reality... the painful reality for him. 

"Or is it something between you and Marume-kun?" I supplied the answer, trying hard not to hint that I know a lot already. He grew silent. Really, it's obvious to tell that he's worried... or pained. 

"You can tell something about it to me." I reached out for his forearm and bent lower to see his face that he hides away.   
"Did they tell you about it?" his face still hidden through his untamed bangs, he guessed. Of couse, I won't tell.   
"No. It's just a guess." I replied in the calmest manner that I could. That's my specialty, hiding my uneasiness and tension. 

Silence. I can tell that he doesn't want to spill. I let his arm go and stood up. I walked across his room and to his closed window. I twisted the knob and pulled the string of the cream-colored venetian blinds. Instantly, enough sunlight entered the room, just enough for him not to complain on how it makes his eyes _explode_. 

"Look Jin, you were the one who told me that I shouldn't give up easily on every hardship that I encounter." I began, walking back to him. "That made me become the confident and calm person that I am now." I sat back beside him and stared up again... "Maybe it's about time you apply what you've taught me in your situation now." 

I looked back at him, his shoulders still hunched as if he had lost more self-esteem than he had. I felt his shoulders rise and fall.   
"I was just... I... I... I hate him." came out his initial emotions. I have a feeling that this will heighten as this talk progresses. 

"You hate Marume-kun?" I questioned, confirming.   
He nodded slightly, "Say, if you were on my positiong back then: You got angry at him, he walked away, he let the whole day pass, then he left... wouldn't you be angry, too?" I saw his fist double its take on his wrinkled bedsheet. I can feel all the emotion in him through that clench. I, being the calm girl, simply beamed up, stared at that _edge_ again and then replied according to my wisdom. 

"Walking away isn't a sign of being a coward, instead it also signifies bravery." 

"Walking away? Bravery? Are you making me laugh?" I felt him look back at me, at me who's still staring up _there_.   
"You see, he might had walked away because you thought he's a coward. But who knows, he might had walked away because he's hiding his coward side from you." I struggled for words.   
"Hiding? Of course he's hiding from me. He can't just face me. He's too weak, that's why he walked..."   
I silenced him by placing my left hand on hs shoulder. 

"No, you're wrong." I smiled, and that again sent a blush on his cheeks.   
"The way I see it, I think **he's trying to be brave for you**." 

He stopped from his rambling when the words were grasped by his always preoccupied mind. In fact, even I myself don't know where I got that philosophy. It was as if something or someone placed that in my mind for me to speak up about it. 

"He's trying to be brave for you, Jin." I repeated. "By those times, I surmise that he also had the strong urge to cry, but because he knows that it will just pain you more, he decided to walk away from you, to turn away just so you won't see his crying face." I smiled slightly, my eyes still fixed on that _edge_. 

"What's more, I think walking away means facing... facing another problem." My voice trailed off, recalling Kaoru's revelations about that French-Japanese guy. I suddenly felt pity bugging me. 

"Problems? He doesn't seem to have any of it. I mean, he has this perfect house, kind mom, balanced lifestyle..." Jin halted, then added, "While look at my house, my dad, my lifestyle. Don't you think I should be all the more worried than him?" 

I set my sight back at the boy beside me, disbelieving all the anger and worry I am seeing on his being. This was the boy who had comfortmed me three years ago, in that place, at that bench. This is the wise boy I've known to be so strong, but look at him now. He's more perplexed than ever. Uncontrolled, I let my right hand slide over his untamed hair, combing it with my fingers. 

Maybe I already found the reason why I feel so good being with him... 

"He doesn't **seem** to have one, but does he **really** have none?"   
I suddenly questioned. I was also shocked of the hidden counsel that I have in me. Also, I am simply happy because at least, in one way or another, I could return the great favor he gave me back then, and that is helping me become the strong lady that I am now.   
"Look Jin, everyone of us has his and her own problems, but it's up for that person to make it look as if they have none." I added more info, being careful not to show the fact that Kuroudo really has one, and a **big** one at that. 

I think I now know why I am being so kind to him. It's more than a favor...   
I think I now know the reason why I have lots of wisdom to share.

My eyes staring up at that _edge_ again, I felt my arms involuntarily circle around him, the boy whom I owe my triumphs in life to. I felt hotness on my arms which I soon found out to be his blush once more.   
"As for you, Jin, it has always been obvious that you're having problems..." I whispered to him in a comforting tone. "But you know what? I am just here to comfort you all the way, to ease that terrible pain on your chest." 

He had said that he liked me three years ago. Back then, I never knew of his charm and vulnerability. I was once the fragile and helpless girl yet he protected me. Now it's my turn... in return of the great favor he's given me. 

Now I see why I want to protect him all along... 

In the middle of the hug, warm liquid wetted my white long sleeve. They were his tears, and these are the things that made me like him more... 

Within my hold, his muffled voice came out as: 

"Thank you, Miss Lan Fang, but I am sorry. I am so sorry...." 

  
  



	18. Lilica : PAPER TRAIL

**Lilica PAPER TRAIL**   


_ Letters: extremely powerful things. A silent friend, an eager companion, a confidant... _

No more hopes for the Tobita Club to enjoy a Hawaiian escapade. Too bad Kouya won't reach his dream place anymore, for the time being maybe. 

I lay the groceries by the top of the counter table before I wiped the sweat off my right brow. Just to comfort everyone from the sadness of losing --- and also to berate them for doing well --- I decided to cook a nice dinner for us all. Oh, and did I mention that I also want to talk to Kouya about his problems right after that hearty meal? I didn't? Oh well, now you know. I wonder what's been happening on our club lately. They are slowly drifting apart... away from each other. I also sometimes feel like it's my fault for them to be having that kind of camaraderie. I've told this anxiety to Jirou before but all he suggested me was to get out of their way, for he knew very well that they can handle it among themselves, just like the way they used to during gear fights. Talk about such great amount of hope! I really admire them...I'm really proud to be one of them. 

Phew. My worries began to melt away just now upon recalling that. Tobita club boys... they're now men. 

I headed immediately to Jin's room to check him out upon seeng that the place was already cleaned up. I just want to thank him for at least taking some time to do something helpful out of his depression. Tobita club boys... they indeed have grown up, what can I say? 

I guess he's already asleep, probably he got too tired from cleaning. I've knocked on his door for five times already but he doesn't answer. Oh well, I'd better go on my way... 

Oh. 

He may have cleaned up the living and dining room, but there's one room he didn't dare to clean... or even to enter into. 

Kuroudo's room. 

I admit it must be really painful from him to accept the fact that he already left us. 

I stared at the blank walls and the fully-opened closets now robbed of clothes to store. I set my sights on the neatly-fixed bed; he indeed is a neat man. He had fixed everything back to how it was before we got here. It's been only two days but this room seemed to have collected soot and dust of two years' abandonment. I walked around, trying to visualize what things were there on each drawer and in front of the dresser while he was still here. I sat on his bed gently, careful not to disarrange the sheets he had arranged for everyone's convenience for the last time. Indeed, we miss the guy. I stretched my legs to the bottom right side of the table beside his bed when I heard my feet hit a hollow part. It surely wasn't the wood... it's something else, so I'd better check it out. To my surprise, I discovered one item he accidentally left. 

It was a shoe box. No, but it's a black leather box. Lacking in design but still stylish, it has a gold buckle easily getting my attention. It still looked new, so I decided I'd keep it for any future use. I just thought of cleaning it up from any articles inside, but that decision is what I call a big mistake. 

With eyes flung open, I took out a pile of scented envelopes torn at one side and papers carelessly strewn inside the container. I caught a glimpse of the date on one of the letters.** May 12, 2011**. No wonder, the paper's already turning yellow on all four sides. I gulped the lump forming on my throat as I settled down to read out of my curiosity. 

_ May 12, 2011 _

Papa, 

I miss you so. It's been exactly three months after my eleventh birthday, but you didn't even come home. You promised Mama, remember? You promised me that we'll go around Tokyo for one whole day. Papa, I miss you. I hope you and Mama will be together soon. I love you. 

Your son,   
Jean 

Straining to know more, I picked up another randomly and read it: 

_ February 15, 2011 _

Papa, 

I'm still expecting that you would come. Mama misses you so. But you know what? I remember during my birthday party... was it you who called? I remember seeing her cry after she put down the phone. I asked her why but she kept on saying none. Papa, I've decided that from that day on, I won't make Mama cry again because it hurts me, too...   
It's because I love her, and I love you too. 

Jean 

"He's such an adorable boy..." I said to myself as I rummaged more in the box. I saw the bunch of envelopes bundled together by a thick blue string. They were sent with an interval of one month after each and I also noticed the stamp "_Return to sender. Invalid address._" deeply scarring the thin envelopes... and soon I also felt that it also had scarred his heart deeply. 

Here goes another letter dated a year later: 

_ March 19, 2012 _

Dad, 

You didn't come and berate me for graduating. You even can't afford to call. You've been like that many times that I can't remember how many, so many times that I now even can't remember how your face looks like. I'm planning to send this letter to you, but good grief! We don't know where in France you are now. I've come across my letters when I was a year or two younger, and they were always letters of hopes --- hopes for your return --- shattered. Imagine, you've been distant for almost four years now. I read my letters, and they all contain sweetness. I read my letters and they all contain **I love you**'s. Now, I am afraid that there'll come a time when I'll read this letter three more years later and I won't feel sweetness anymore and the word **love** will be replaced with a four-letter word of its exact contradictory meaning... 

Please, don't let that time come. 

Jean 

I came to search more, my mind thirsty for what really happened between him, his mother and his father. I soon found out that there's a second latch, a second layer of container in the box... a second secret to be revealed. I lifted the latch and no sooner my eyes grew wider in pure shock. 

I picked the black book with trembling hands. I have confirmed my fears of wrecking someone else's privacy: This is Kuroudo's well-kept journal. I was about to leave it alone and unharmed when I just felt my hands snatch it and open it to a random page... 

... and the opened page supplied me with the rough background of his family relationship, probably because the page was opened often... 

... no. The page was bookmarked with a thin piece of glossy paper. A picture. I carefully lifted it up, and to my horror it was a picture of him, his mother, and his father... only then his father's face was heavily-inked with a permanent marker, so heavy I can't discern his features anymore. Soon, I also found other family pictures with his father's image either cut off, washed away with marker, or burned. 

He was like, erasing him from his life... forgetting his name, his face, and even the fact that he is his own father. 

That disturbing thought lingering in my mind, I went on and read his entry. 

"_**A Simple Rhyme**_" 

It was a lengthy poem, about ten to eleven stanzas long. I decided I'll save it for later reading, so I browsed on some more pages. I had my eyes focused on the dates on the upper left hand corner. I came to admire his handwriting in this book. His entries were written with fountain pen, and though I know it's messy writing with that kind of pen, he still managed to maintain his writing cursive, finely-inked, correctly slanted... very dainty and understandable. He didn't commit any mistakes on any of his entries, I have observed by now. As I've said before, he's truly an organized guy. It's also pure English, and I admire his writing style. It was like as if he'll publish this as an autobiographical... wait, what's this? He wrote an entry just before he left for Paris. Maybe it contains last words or something, so I made up my mind and took time to read. 

_ 3:32 A.M   
May 27, 2015 _

Dreams can do miraculous and seemingly unbelievable things on someone... on me, on you, on everyone. 

To keep his dream of sharing music to people alive, my dad left us for an adventure on his home land. Because of this dream, he had neglected his own family just so he could focus more on this so-called "valuable vision". For the sake of mom's dream and also his, he decided to let go of her. For the sake of my dreams, he invited me to join him out there, on a land unknown to me... out there on a land they call Paris.   
As for me, in keeping my own dream alive, I have learned to let go of many things and people I love. I decided to quit Crush Gear, I decided to leave Tobita Club and all those wonderful memories I have had there... I decided to leave my best friend. I decided to make him angry at me so he won't feel the pain of losing a person he had loved well that much, and it's the exact hard thing I never learned upon letting go of my dad, of my love for my mom, of my love for my friends... of my love for Crush Gear. 

_Dreams indeed could force someone to do something unexpected of him. _

For for seven years straight, I've been disappointed by him for leaving us two behind. For almost four years straight I've been furious because I've thought of him as a selfish family man only caring for the things he wanted to get, to achieve, and to pursue. He was irresponsible in my eyes when I was just so-called a kid. For many years I've been in favor of my mom, but I've never known that she also had what I have been calling a "selfish mission" ... a **selfish dream**. 

Yesterday afternoon before going home, I dropped by our house here in Osaka, the house she usually leaves open because she's usually staying here once or twice a week or so. She promised me that she would be there so she could watch me gearfight, but guess what I saw? My mom wasn't there; she left me just like my dad did. She left the whole house closed and the front gate heavily locked, and this only hinted that she won't be back there for quite some time. Indeed, Dad had been very kind. 

She had found her "mass media" dream and she's already about to catch it, but what about me? Have I found my dream? I have one, but how will I pursue it? 

Upon thinking these thoughts, I suddenly felt shamed of hating my father for more than three years. I understand it... finally, I get it. 

This will be my last entry in this black book, the book the had contained all my hatred and loathing to my father. I'd leave it all behind, because I have seen everything in a fresh point of view. And come to think of it, I never felt any more relieved than before. Things seemed to have fallen into their right places already... 

And as if it's for the first time, I've finally become proud having Hideaki Jacques Marume, a great violinist and composer, as my dad. 

Wiping a falling tear, I heard myself mutter, "Im glad you did, Kuroudo. I am simply glad you finally did." With that stated, I followed the bookmark to read his poem before I cook.   
  



	19. Kuroudo : A SIMPLE RHYME

**Kuroudo A SIMPLE RHYME**   


_ If I would be born in this world anew,   
What would I want to be, You have any clue?   
Then better keep track of my sullen past,   
Just so to see what future You will cast. _

People say I'm lucky cause I'm born rich,   
Have kind parents, what I want I can reach.   
What they didn't know is that they're already fooled,   
Behind all these there's an ongoing feud. 

My dad left us two to pursue his dream,   
Of hearing his trills on the mainstream.   
Mass media dream, my mom also had,   
But gave it up for the love that she had. 

With these dreams, six months later conflicts rose,   
Tsunamis, earthquakes, they were less than those.   
I hear mom scream, cry over the phone line,   
As for me, I knew it's not a good sign. 

Since then we heard nothing more about him,   
Informations were kept so dark, so dim.   
On any day, on any occasion,   
"Why didn't you call?", that was my question. 

Letters sent, received seven days after,   
His sole absence left my heart to shatter.   
Why does he avoid us, his family?   
What did he mean by the words, "set her free"? 

What future for their son do they hold?   
I, their son, who's an eleven year old?   
I hear mom cry even in broad daylight,   
I tried to be strong, but I cried when out of sight. 

Since then I believed I have no father,   
So I took good care of my mom, rather.   
Writing letters ceased, emotions died down,   
Hid sadness behind the mask of a clown. 

I tried to put up with him but it failed,   
He had made mom cry and away he sailed.   
So, for the first time since all these were done,   
**I felt regret on becoming his son.**

So... 

If I would be born in this world anew,   
What I want to be, now You have a clue.   
I wish my life You'd instantly take... 

'Cause letting me live here is a big mistake. 

**A/N**: (JUNE 3, 2004) Please bear with the delay of my update... Life's slinging so many stuff and 'graces' on me that I don't know when they will end. Sorry, but I DO PROMISE I'll finish this. =) Till then, thank you and peace out. =) 


	20. Eighteen : BIRD WATCHING

**Eighteen BIRD WATCHING**

"Young Master, we need to get going. Your next class will start fifteen minutes from now." Kurosaki warned him upon getting on the car. As he had stated, his next class for his so-called business management course this summer will start soon and yet he hadn't left the arena even after the audience left and after the janitors have finished cleaning the area.   
"What have you been up to, Young Master?" the bodyguard, and in one special way had served as the heir's confidant, interrogated, feeling that there's something behind his younger friend's quiet mood yet perplexed actions while inside the spacious limousine.   
He didn't reply, but rather he looked outside the window, his mind cloudy, and he knew that this mood is in great contrast to the clear and sunny weather outside.   
"It won't bite if you'll tell me." the Manganji's official driver for almost forever kidded, and that broke the thin layer of ice between the two as the handsome heir began to speak. 

"Kurosaki..." he began with doubt in his voice, "What will you do if you need to confirm something that you've been observing for a long time?" 

There was silence, but Kurosaki's light-hearted chuckle broke it. Boy, this old man surely acts like a child sometimes. "Of course, I'll move to a closer spot and observe more. What kind of a question is that? It's as if you're not the topnotcher in your Math exams yesterday..."   
"Oh come on, Kurosaki." The heir named Takeshi scowled about, "It's just luck, I tell you. Just plain luck." Now, who said that this guy's got a lot of high airs on him?   
"But I'm proud of you for that achievement, Young Master..." the driver grinned without looking back, for the reason that Takeshi's already looking at him through the mirror. For Takeshi, Kurosaki wasn't just a confidant to him, but he's more like a fatherly figure already. He was there when he needed some advice and when he experiences life's greatest gifts and disasters to him. At least, Kurosaki was there right on the driver's seat for him, unlike his own father who is always there on his seat... back on their main branch in Tokyo. And when he gets there, all he talks about is pure business... money, finance, office... nothing else. He presumes that he's lucky he got one trusty driver who knows him more than his father does --- more than his father ever tried and did. 

"But, is that what you will really do?" Takeshi inquired again, still looking outside though the harsh light of the sun's almost blinding his eyes.   
"It varies with the situation...," the driver replied even before the master finished his statement. Instantly, the windows were slightly covered.   
"Direct sunlight's bad for the eyes, Young Master." Once again, the fiftysomething guy beamed, and this time Takeshi smiled back, feeling protected on the guy's presence. 

"For example," he began talking again, slightly clearing his voice, "If you're eyeing on a single sparrow, then it's okay if you'll make noise, though not that much of course. But watch out if you're eyeing on an eagle especially the one with either eggs or babies. They're too sensitive and they might rip your eyes off if you barge in too much."   
He paused, letting the young mind absorb the wisdom he imparted. If there's a thing Takeshi was really drawn to Kurosaki, it surely is this witty man's way of teaching. It's more like listening to a story varying from an anecdote to a tragedy. He remembered he swore to himself that he'll be like him when he grows old and when he already has children and grandchildren... back when he was a kid of seven.   
"You get that, young man?" After that moment of silence, he asked.   
"_Hai, onii-san. Arigato._" He replied sincerely, the type of sincerity that's rare for someone named Takeshi Manganji to show.   
"_Onii-san?_ I am too old to be called your brother. Maybe you're just shy to call me _ojii-san_. It's okay; I'm fifty-two anyway." The wrinkles on the sides of his eyes appeared when he smiled. "You sound like a child, Young Master."   
He sighed before proceeding, "I remember your childhood. You were too deprived to climb even a single tree, the thing which I've done almost every day of my life as a young lad... given the chance, I could have taught y ---" 

"PLEASE STOP THE CAR, _ONII-SAN!_" 

He heard the Young Master's panicked voice so he instantly stepped on the brake, which is unlucky for him because he knew that the guy hadn't listened to him all along on his reminiscing.   
"_Doko ikuze da yo?_" He shouted as soon as he heard the car's door snap open and the Young master hurriedly making his way out.   
"... I **must** go 'bird-watching'!" Takeshi exclaimed as he ran away from the halted car. He sensed the urgency in the guy's voice and he understood it very well, so he hit the gas and ran almost in pace with the master's running. He opened the window and shouted, "Don't tire yourself too much, my boy! Should I go and report you skipping classes to your father?"   
Takeshi, a bit exhaused already, shouted back, "You know the same old deal, Kurosaki!. And I won't tire myself... I promise!"   
The driver closed the window already, yet his eyes were too sharp to still see the young master say, "Thanks a lot!" Yes, he has a talent in lip-reading.   
With his eyes back on the road, he muttered, "No problem..." He pulled out a picture of a boy in his teenage years, a boy who looks a lot like Takeshi except for the fairer complexion and chestnut-brown hair, from his pocket and whispered, "You're welcome, Eiji. He really is like you."   
And the limo sped away. 

--------oooo-------- 

"MARINO!"   
The lad with the said named didn't look back to the one shouting, to the lad in red shirt and black elephant pants.   
"KOUYA!" The voice grew louder in compliance to the owner's will.   
The lad in blue jacket turned around and saw his rival chasing him.   
"I need you to explain things to me." The young heir still ran. The guy labeled Kouya sensed another irritating confrontation about his behavior coming up, so he ran faster on purpose of not being interrogated anymore. Takeshi, seeing this, ran... pushing himself beyond his limits.   
"I DON'T CARE! I AM SO SICK OF BEING ASKED!".   
"I won't be asking you if I don't see something wrong..."   
"WHY DO YOU GUYS ALWAYS BUTT IN MY STUFF ANYWAY?!"   
"Because we care..."   
"IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!"   
Kouya ran faster, and so did Takeshi. People had their curious stares on these two who seemed to be making so much havoc and scene on the substreets two kilometers away from Kirei Stadium.   
"YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND ME. WHY CAN'T YOU LEAVE ME ALONE?"   
"I UNDERSTAND YOU AND I AM HERE TO HELP YOU OUT." 

"**You're not my big brother anyway!**" 

This statement left Takeshi stunned, thus he stopped from running. The second World Cup champion continued, and in Takeshi's view, he seemed to be disappearing in the horizon where the sun and land meet. 

"**You are my rival. You'll NEVER become a big brother to me! You're not Yuhya!**" 

There he went, comparing him to his late brother. He can't stand being behind someone else's shadow anymore, so with clenched fists and last ounce of strength, he shouted back, 

"**I know I can't be your big brother, but at least I can be your friend!**" 

With that said, Kouya stopped running and turned back, but all he saw was a young man who fainted right down on the road and a crowd flanking on him. 

--------oooo-------- 

Brown pools opened weakly and it focused on an elderly man's smiling face. 

"Ku... Kurosaki-_nii-san_?" 

"I thought you told me you won't tire yourself too much? _It_ might get worse... you know..." His always jolly voice saddened as he handed the heir a small oval white pill and a glass of water.   
"I did?" His tanned hands smoothened out his untamed and tossed hair as he answered back.   
"Yes, you did... but you know what, Takeshi-_sama_?"   
"Huh?" he displayed his rare innocent expression for his _onii-san_ to see.   
"**You have watched the bird well**."   
"I... I did? But I fainted, right? H--- how come?"   
The child-like witty old man smiled and answered, 

"I watched the wild eagle for you. I even took a closer look of its hatching egg." 

--------oooo-------- 

"Watch it, moron!" 

A short-tempered guy bellowed at the Second World Cup champion whose mind is out of his own body. He didn't seem to mind the annoyed fellow as he casually walked through shelves and shelves of books, ignoring everything that's going on around him and also recalling what happened earlier... 

'Listen, kid." The fiftysomething man called his attention after setting the young Manganji flat on the limo seat. "Will you let another of your friends faint like that because of you and your hard-headedness?"   
"He's not my friend. He's my rival..." came Kouya's stiff reply.   
"Rival... two to three years yes. But guess what? He talks to me often about a friend whom he's so concerned about, yet he just can't find a way on how to approach that someone."   
Kouya stopped and looked at that arrogant Manganji no lying peacefully there.   
"... hmm, do you have any idea as to who it is, may I ask?" the man asked again in a gentle manner, the gentleness Kouya can't be angry or annoyed at. 

Silence. 

"Um... mister..."   
"Call me Kurosaki." the man smiled, thus erasing Kouya's fears.   
"Mister Kurosaki, what's wrong with Takeshi? Why did he collapse out there?" They both grew silent and all they heard was the heir's shallow and slow breathing. The old man stooped down then finally replied, 

"Young man, just remember that all --- all of us --- has his and her own problems and weaknesses. _Omae wa minna wakarimashita... hitori janai yo_." 

--------oooo-------- 

The next thing he knew when he drifted back to sanity is that he had already purchased a book. It's a pocketbook about three inches thick with a sketch of a yellow balloon at the cover. **A Love to Share** is the title and the author's name was a mystery. He shrugged, placed the mysterious book back on his paper bag and walked away from the bookstore. 

But all he didn't know was there were two sharp eyes eyeing him warily, gathering enough inspiration for his next publication. 


	21. Kouya : A SLAP ON THE FACE

**Kouya A SLAP ON THE FACE**

_What in the world made me buy this book?_

To tell you all honestly, I really have no idea as to how this book came home with me. It's just an ordinary book though, no special ornaments, featured articles or something that apparently caught my interest in the first place... and I can't see why I took it with me. I let my whole body lie limp on the couch as I plopped it right beside me. My eyes found its sight on the ceiling and perhaps I spent a few minutes staring up there, up at that nothingness that is my mind. My hand found its way on the book, and having nothing left to do, I began looking at the thing wherein half of my day's allowance was carelessly spent. 

And then it hit me. Now I know why I bought it.   
It's because of the hunch that came along with it...   
... the hunch that it might do something.   
Bad or good? I have no idea. 

The cover, although done simply, was a sight to behold. The sketch of a yellow balloon caught my attention in an instant. It made me feel warm inside --- warm and comfortable at that. There's this strange aura that made my eyes stick to it like glue. I scanned the cover again... it's so queer to see an authorless book, lest tehe writer isn't proud of his or her (whatever the gender may be) work. but that ade me feel more uneasy with it, for it sent another message or threat. The butterflies in my stomach rose up to my chest, making it hard for me to breathe. Sweat profusely rolled down my shivering palms, and as far as I know myself, it only means that I have an unclear premonition about everything that's currently going on. 

The next moment I blinked, I just saw my own hands opening the book to a random page, probably easing the apprehension that it feels... I feel like it moves not on my own accord anymore. I proceeded to read it since that's my only purpose on buying it: for leisure. Sunlight faintly lighted the white curtains as cumulo-nimbus clouds rolled over the king of the skies, covering his fame. I sighed as I set back my sight on the printed page. 

--------oooo------- 

_Once there was a very jolly princess of a very powerful kingdom that had won so many battles of their time. This talented young woman is very gregarious but as a saying goes that everyone has a lonely side, she has one that she only shows when the nights are cold, dark and lonely. It's a side that even the queen herself doesn't see. (The king died about three to four years ago during a nasty bloodshed.)   
The reason of her loneliness? It's this common townsperson who always visits the castle and later on stayed there on a regular basis. Little do everyone know that this princess has her eye on this simple yet industrious townsfolk... this guy hardly notices the princess due to his so-called work inside the palace. The Royal highness sheds tears when she's nowhere there except up at her lone tower. _

She can't express her emotions well and although she does, it's more likely that this certain guy doesn't see it. Up to this date, the princess is still waiting for the chance to tell him how she feels, that she don't care at the fact that he's just a common townsperson. 

She's waiting, but who knows when her patience will run out? 

What are you going to do, heartless selfish townsfolk? 

--------oooo-------- 

I felt my head spin after reading that short story that has no conclusion, especially the last sentence. Perhaps this is just an effect of staying so much outside the sun earlier. It hurts so much that I dropped the book flat by my side. Moments later, my sight registered the ceiling as blank as my mind. Everything's already under control, I murmured to myself as I focused hard on the whiteness of that space above me. 

The princess and the townsfolk... it's such a fairy tale written in an oddly familiar way. The princess who has a lonely side, and the heartless townsfolk... the kingdom that had stayed strong ad undefeated... the unsuspecting queen... and the king who died due to a massacre. 

The opened door revealed Kaoru's form to me... and a sudden change of air, so frustrating and unwelcoming. She stood by the door, eyes looking blankly at me, for a moment then she just turned to her table without a single word. I eyed her warily, and the coldness that surrounded her is something rare and something so suffocating. 

_The princess and the heartless townsfolk... _

She delved into the drawers and got her portfolio then closed it with a slight thud. She bent a little lower to retrieve her pencil case and notebook. Kaoru... you indeed have changed a lot. She turned off her laptop and folded it neatly then prepared to leave. 

Speak up, dimwit.... 

I thought you want to say something? 

I felt my mouth open slightly, forming muffled tones, words that just won't come out of my own mouth. My hand reached out to her distant form turning away from me. I can't breathe well... 

_The princess, the townsperson, the kingdom, the late king.... _

It all mixed up into a long pandemonium, the turbulence of my seemingly blank mind. 

"Ka... Ka..."   
My hand shivered and stretched out further. It twitched about.   
"Ka... ka... oru...."   
My sight turned blurry, a fusion of colors, and it all suddenly turned pitch black . 

--------oooo-------- 

The next moment I opened my eyes, it was already raining quite hard outside. I was looking at it through a wide frosted glass window which surprised me so well because... I'm not here earlier. Where am I? Where is this darn place?! 

"And... what do you want us to talk about?" 

All I knew was I was reclining on my couch back in out apartment a while ago and now... Kaoru's right in front of me with arms crossed in front of her chest. Boy, she really looked grumpy now. I wandered my sight around the place. It's a coffee shop, a not-so-known one since we're the only people around, together with a young guy in his trench coat and dark shades, sipping what I can sense java coffee. The shop owner was just turning away from us three, drying the cups and saucers with a piece of clean cloth at his hand. There was someone playing the piano, and it's a somewhat familiar song, but I can't discern it by then. The smell of brewed coffee filled my nose and I savored it even more. I saw my own cup sitting meekly before me, untouched while Kaoru's was halfway through. 

"I'd better go home if this is all we'll do here..." her rather irritated voice walked in my ears. She was about to stand up and leave when I said, "Wait, Kaoru. I need to say some ---"   
"Fine, but it has been almost an hour since we got here but you spoke nothing. What am I, so dumb to not get that?!" She paused and I eyed the owner who got a bit startled of her voice.   
"That's you, Kouya... you're such a selfish, overly self-sufficent brat, and you don't care about others... you don't care about m---"   
My mind had lost control of my hands that they found their way on the table, making a very loud commotion. It caused a lost tone in the piano piece, breaking of a cup, and spilling of coffee. She had this very startled look on me... so scared... scared of the guy who suddenly turned like a madman ready to kill any minute by then. 

"FINE, THEN GO YOUR WAY. YOU'RE JUST A PAIN IN THE ASS IF YOU WANNA KNOW!" 

I halted, and as if everything was staged, thunder roared and lightning crashed. I was back to my calm self when I saw her fix her coat abruptly and ran to the exit, sobs walking through my ears. The other guy just fixed his glass, unminding what's going on... and the raindrops crashed heavily on the ground. 

_ "What are you going to do, heartless townsfolk?" _

That line from the book bothered me and seemed to come nearby. It took over my senses that I turned and darted out the shop to follow her. Rain heavily poured, so hard it seemed like a storm. Still I ran, my coat getting heavy with all the water it was absorbing. I found her there at a corner, her chocolate brown hair a big tangle and her form really messes up. I walked towards her and reached out. 

"Kaoru... I am so sorry. I... I never meant those... those things..." 

I reached out for her sobbing shoulder but she instantly turned to me, revealing her red swollen eyes and blotchy cheeks. Rain was storming heavily over the two of us. I saw her now fiery eyes look at me and in one swift motion, she propelled her hand to slap me, but she stopped when it was about to land. Her expression suddenly turned hurt, she clenched her hand into a fist before softening it. And to my surprise, she cried again, her face in indesscribably deep agony and confusion. In one move, she threw herself on me, face burrowed on my chest. Within that hold, she whispered weakly and broken with sobs... 

"Kouya, I want to forget you. I want to loathe you with all my might... but I can't... I just can't. It's.... it's the hardest thing.... hardest thing to do..." 

She wept and I suddenly felt my eyes watery. Was it the rain? No... hot tears ran down my cheeks and soon was mixed with the rain. I set my sight up to the crying heavens... thinking hard of my wrongdoing to this girl within my reach. From the distance... from the coffee shop, a song was played, and it dawned to me that it's a song... in my shaky voice, I sang, containing what I want to say to Kaoru, to this sobbing girl. 

_

I never meant to cause you trouble...   
I never meant to do you harm... 

_

She was about to place a big slap on my face, but she **already** had slapped me even though it didn't sting my skin so well. But sorry, I tell you... for this townsfolk did what he has to do, but he just can't leave his work, and the other person whom he loves who is unfortunately, an ordinary townsperson like him... a townsperson in deep sorrow... so even if she will understand it the other way, I have to say it while holding her frail head gently... 

"I am sorry, Kaoru. I am so sorry..." 

and the harsh and frank rain whispered, 

_**"I'm sorry I can't love you back..."**_


	22. Twenty : THE TIDE

**Twenty :: THE TIDE**

"Kuroudo, wait!" Jin's feet carried him faster than it should upon seeing his friend's silhouette at a distance. The shadow didn't budge on its position and Jin ran with all his speed beneath the thick and suffocatinf fog that encompassed him out from nowhere.   
"_Matte yo, Kuroudo. Kudasai!_" He shouted at the top of his lungs as the figure proceeded sprinting away. He resumed running until it was too late... way too late. 

His shout rang as he fell down the deep abyss. There's no Kuroudo; he was chasing no one from the beginning. His sight recorded the dim skies looking down on a pathetic lad like him falling down to no definite end. He shouted for help but no one heard him, so his last resort was... 

"KUROUDO!" He screamed with all power, hoping that the one who ran away from him will return and save him from sure death. Hot liquid ran down his eyes and floated through the air like crystalline beads due to this strong feeling of fear surging down his spine. When he surmised that there's no more clear hope for him, something miraculous happened. 

Something silky and soft ran across his tear-stricken cheek. His gray pools opened wider as he saw humongous wings with shiny and clean white feathers fluttering lightly through the air to keep him and his savior aloft the nearly strangling space. He squinted hard, trying to recognize his rescuer who was hovering about him, but all he saw was a great blinding light. To end the dumb curiosity, he asked in a hushed voice, 

"_A... an'ta wa... dare?_" 

The light faded slightly though it still didn't leave Jin any clue as to who he or she is... except for one scene, and an unforgettable scene at that. Lips gently curved up into a smile so heavenly, it took the last reserves of his breath. He took a moment to feel the grasp on him. Through it, he felt secured, protected and invincible. The next moment he blinked, the light encompassed the being who saved him, and at last he spoke in an assuring manner, more like uttering a promise. 

"I'll come back... and that's the time when you'll be needing me the most." 

And the other sentence came more like a whisper, becoming fainter as it was repeated... 

"_Matte iru yo. Zutto matte iru yo._" 

The secure touch on his back was gone, and so all the feeling that went with it. 

The next moment he knew, he already drifted back to sanity. 

--------oooo-------- 

A loud "BLAG!" registered on his ears... and on his back. He fell down his bed, now realizing that the once cloudy sky he saw is already replaced by the blank white ceiling... expressionless and blank as his friend. Tch, Kuroudo. Why does he care so much about him anyway? Upon this thought, he decided to better stop thinking about him. But, the voice in his dream... he suddenly felt goosebumps rising on his nape and on his arms. He felt some tugging on his chest, more like telling him to believe... believe the uttered promise. 

Weird as it may seem, he felt better after waking up from that _falling_ nightmare. he breathed fresh air after opening the windows. It was a very sunny morning but he didn't complain about the harsh sunlight that's making his eyes explode like balloons... and that was such a queer thing to happen. And he reveled at the morning breeze passing across his quite numb skin like gentle silk, the aria the cheerful birds played and the lush greens. The neighbor was playing the song "I Wish You Were Here" and his mind suddenly flashed the face... the face of his so-called bestest best friend. 

"Arrgghhh..." he mumbled as he held his head slightly. "Why do you suddenly pop in my head from nowhere?" he asked while he walked to the washroom to gargle and wash his face. Soon, he already changed his clothes and plopped down his way downstairs. 

... and he found no one. Oh yes. they're already at the stadium, still overly-engrossed watching all the action going on in there. They didn't dare to wake him up since they knew he's not worth it.. and that he's still deeply affected.   
"TCH..." the eyeglassed little lad grumbled as he set himself down on the dining table. He just sat down and stared, arms folded neatly on top of the table while supporting his lazy head. He stared hard, thinking about what's going on in the arena, and unconsciously, what goes on in Kuroudo's life out there in France.   
"GET OFF MY HEAD, WILL YA?" he shouted impatiently as if he's talking to someone in there. The room bounced his voice within his confining walls, returning the words to the annoyed speaker. Deep inside him, there's a part worrying over his friend... only that his mask of ego and pride are overshadowing it. 

BAM! 

He banged his hands on the wooden table, half-expecting that those thoughts would melt away through that movement. To evade the persistent thoughts that bugged him, he decided to get busy with something. Perhaps, breathing fresh air will do the trick. Not eating anythimg for breakfast, he stood up and left the house silently like someone weren't there ever since. 

--------oooo-------- 

It was a busy street, full of people unfamiliar with each other especially to him. They looked like ants working so hard that they always get through a day without interacting with anyone around him. 

"People really don't care." he heard himself mutter as a song originated from a place distinct and so far away. 

_ There's a pain that sleeps inside   
It sleeps with just one eye   
And awakens the moment that you leave _

"Shall I admit my defeat to you?" he muttered audibly while walking to a direction no one --- even he himself --- knows. "I don't understand why it's so hard to get you off my mind." He recalled the moments they spent together while they were still one team in Griffon. True, those were the so-called bright and glorious days, but it couldn't have been any brighter without him there. The assuring smile... the bubbly and hero-like character... and the way his blue eyes sparkle like clouds on a sunny day. It made him feel like he doesn't want to go home to his lab anymore. 

_ Though I try to look away   
The pain it still remains   
Only leaving when you're next to me _

Never did he feel any more secured when he's right beside this flaxen-haired lad. He'd never felt so light, so comfortable and so protected. He has touched his lifestyle in many ways indescribable, so many ways fitting to be told in a song. It was like he's a guardian angel of some sort. He knew he was too old to believe in such foolishness but yes, to him he is. Though he tried to deny it, though he tried to ignore, he had been wanting him in lonely days so much more. The pain lurking deep within his chest, deeply sealed with bitter thoughts of him leaving, departing, never looking back to the great friendship they once had... call it old but it was just so great to be forgotten and thrown away like that. And the disturbing promise in his dream, those uttered words of hope to someone left behind Was it his? He doubted so well... 

_ Do you know, that everytime you're near   
Everybody else seems far away? _

He clung onto him as if he was the most important thing he could on to according to what his faith had been dictating him all these years. He had believed in him all along, served him honestly, been there through all their bouts...   
"But look at what you've done...!" his angry voice caused a civilian to be shocked while reading the daily news. Eyes trailed at him suspiciously at the streets as if he is someone with a dangerous disease. Frankly, he hadn't noticed it, since he was overly-consummed on his thought, defiled and wrecked yet selfless, over the one whom he believed to have destroyed his very strong belief. 

"_But no matter how I try to deny, no matter how hard I ignore, I've wanted you in lonely days so much more..._" 

There came his semi-poetic thought. He came to think of those tides, mighty tides that may drown everything on its way, as what he'd been seeing on some movies... He had no idea why, but rhymes came gushing on his mind like well... a tide. 

> ** My faith is like a tide,   
Sometimes shy, at times full of pride.   
Sometimes narrow, sometimes so wide,   
That other feelings go and hide.   
Once it runs, it's mighty and wild.   
But once it starts, it won't easily subside. **

_ So I stand and look around   
Distracted by the sounds   
Of everyone and everything I see   
And I search through every face   
Without a single trace, of the person   
The person that I need _

Do you know, that everytime you're near   
Everybody else seems far away   
So can you come and make them disappear?   
Make them disappear and we can stay. 

Eyes blankly focused on a dark alley, blank and seemingly hopeless, with sounds of heavy machinery running through his senses. "I'm lost..." he mumbled under his breath. It's true, he'd been lost without his best friend. Existence in this confusing world of Gear Fighting is nonsense without a friend... and his friend whom he had treasured through the... 

_

Could you make them disappear? 

_

A sudden weight was laid on him, a very heavy weight from above. Sound of metal clashing on the ground loudly reverberated, echoed, multiplied many times by the dark aura in that alley. Jin found himself drawined of strength as he was sent face flat on the ground. Piercing pain welcomed his being, especially on his eye. He left his head throb in humongous pain that he had never felt before... pain that he never knew will happen to him. His body turned extremely numb and unknowing to any contact. 

_Make them disappear..._

He saw his eyeglasses broke and clash as he stared on the earthen ground with one eye either half open. He tried to feel his other sense of sight but all he felt was excruciating pain polluting his senses, surging all over his being.... even digging down his very soul. Words can't from on his mouth for it seemed to be muffled by an unknown force, some force indistinct and caused by the indescribably agonizing pain... 

Pain... pain is everything I have felt. 

_Tasukete... tasukete kudasai..._

_Yameru... yameru..._

"All this pain... make them... d-disappear..." he heard himself mutter almost like it was never there. He was dire helpless, he can't move, more like he was already immobilized. He was left of nothing to save him. He felt for his other eye... something was splattered on his hand in heavy amount. He set his other weak sight on it. Red and sticky... and all horrid. BLOOD. RED. That was the last color he saw before blackness entirely finished him off... enveloping him. 

The faint blaring sirens of the ambulance broke the almost eternally cold and death-like silence. 

Yes, his faith ran well like a tide, but something soon will break through that mighty flood of water, testing its strength and worse, it might stop it from gushing forth... permanently. 

- **Owari :: PART TWO** - 


	23. Maki : FREE TALK TWO

**Maki :: FREE TALK TWO**

**Date**: June 15, 2004   
**Time**: 11:15 P.M   
**Listening To**: Kangta - Pine Tree 

Could you imagine that?! Three months have passed before I came to update this whole thing. Sorry if the progress is too slow; life's slinging so many surprises and blessings on me. But at least, be blissful cause I still got time to continue with this! HEHEHE. Part two done, and as far as the completion progress is concerned, I can't keep track of it anymore since the original storyflow's already revised and... it's lost! cries So, here goes my additional notes... 

**Inspiration**: Just so you know... hee-hee.   
Okay... it's true. I based Kuroudo's situation on my own when I was a little girl of seven. The journal entries are more my own, or course edited to suit his situation and the setting. The poem is my own... and yes it's also edited. I also became inspired of reading so many books by Pablo Coehlo and... hmm... my all-time favorite: Requiem for a Glass Heart by David Lindsey. Currently, I am listening on many sentimental KPOP and JPOP songs so that means they're also my inspiration. =) 

**Timeline**: To explain... 

1997 - Yuhya, Harry, Lilica and all the others in their age group were born.   
1998 - Lan Fang, Ma Liang   
1999 - Jirou, Taki, Li Chun and Takeshi   
2000 - Jin, Tetsuya and Kuroudo   
2001 - Kouya   
2002 - Wang Hu   
2003   
2004   
2005   
2006   
2007   
2008 - Yuhya died. Hideaki left his family   
2009   
2010   
2011   
2012 - CGT series. When Kuroudo hated his father so much.   
2013   
2014   
2015 - FINAL PENITENCE series. (May) 

**Places**: So... the new places introduced in here is the Kirei hotel, the apartment wherein our beloved Tobita Club's staying, the bookstore and the road two kilometers away from Kirei Stadium (where Takeshi and Kouya chased each other and where Kouya was 'stalked', the coffee shop of no name that happened somewhere within the 2-km. vicinity near Kirei Stadium, and the construction site (as you can deduce by reading the descriptions) where the last scene of the last chapter happened. Gee, lots of places! 

**Characters**: Sixinghituan in new character designs, plus other characters!   
1.) Wang Hu - About 14 years old. 5'4". He has a neatly-cropped hair, more like Kouya's, he had grown muscular in built and he wears a cream-colored silk Chinese shirt and black pants.   
2.) Lan Fang - 17 years old. 5'5". Has waist-length shiny black hair. Slightly chubby. Wears white Chinese short-sleeved blouse and black slacks.   
3.) Ma Liang - 17 years old. 5'7". Muscular in built. Tanned, same hair minus the ponytail. Wears the clothes of same design as that in the series.   
4.) Li Chun - 16 years old. 5'6 1/2". Slightly fatter in built. Hair shaggy up to his nape. Wears brown sleeveless Chinese shirt and loose black pants.   
5.) Kurosaki - To recall, he's Takeshi's driver. Same character design.   
6.) Hideaki Francois Marume - Kuroudo's long lost father. He's not an OC because he's his real father in the manga. He stands about 5'9" (approximately =p) and I imagine him having brown hair and green eyes. He's now **partly** an OC, ne? XD 

**Unknown Terms**: written in no particular order.   
1.) _Hisashiburi da, Kaoru-chan, Lilica-san_ -Long time no see, Miss Kaoru, Miss Lilica.   
2.) _Hai_ - Yes   
3.) _Hajime mashite, Kouya-kun?_ - How do you do, Kouya?   
4.) _Sou ka... yokatta._ - I see... good thing.   
5.) _Gia Masuta Jin doko da, Kouya-chan?_. - Where is Gear Master Jin, Kouya?   
6.) _Nani? Doshite?_ - What? Why?   
7.) _Daijoubu, daijoubu... domo._ - I'm okay, I'm okay. Thanks.   
8.) _Hontou ni?_ - Are you sure?   
9.) _Ja, Kouya-kun. Mata ne!_ - Bye, Kouya. See you later!   
10.) _onii-san/ -nii-san_ - brother   
11.) _ojii-san/ -jii-san_ - grandpa   
12.) _Doko ikuze da yo?_ - Where are you going?   
13.) _Omae wa minna wakarimashita... hitori janai yo._ - Everyone understands you... you're never alone.   
14.) _Matte yo, Kuroudo! Kudasai!_ - Wait for me, Kuroudo! Please!   
15.) _A... an'ta wa... dare?_ - W... who are... you?   
16.) _Matte iru yo. Zutto matte iru yo._ - I will wait for you. I will always wait for you.   
17.) _Tasukete... tasukete kudasai..._ - Help... help me, please...   
18.) _Yameru... yameru..._ - Stop... stop... 

**Songs**: Not much used on this part...   
1.) Losing Grip by Avril Lavigne - used at Chapter Fourteen.   
2.) Trouble by Coldplay - used at Chapter Nineteen.   
3.) Disappear by Hoobastank - used at Chapter Twenty. 

**Quotes/Poems**:   
1.) "Women have...." (Ch.14) - Sarah from the OVA of Angel Sanctuary anime.   
2.) "Letters..." (Ch.16) - Time magazine. Somewhere in August 2003 issue. I read it in our school's library that time.   
3.) A Simple Rhyme (Ch.17) - that's **my** poem, idiot! (whacks reader)  
4.) "My faith is like a tide..." (Ch.20) - That's **my** rhyme, too! (whacks reader again) 

Want to know what is happening to Kuroudo in Paris? Well, watch out for the next chapter with the working title, **Weighing Possibilities**. Yes, I **have** working titles... I take this work seriously, see? 

**FINALE**: Part Three coming soon. Watch out when. (grin)


End file.
